The Death of the Ego

I heard an analogy that all their life, people spend their life trying to climb a mountain, trying to get the top of something, trying to be successful in one way or another. And that, for the few that reach the top, life seems to become aimless:

"There's nothing else to do. I've already reached the top".

But I think that these thoughts, both of the desire to climb metaphorical mountains, and the disquiet peace that comes after, are a result of one's ego; that the whole reason they climbed the mountain was because they wanted to become something, they wanted to do something, all of this centres around the ego, their own individual identity and will. Thus, once they've achieved what they've been hacking away at for their whole life, they are no longer left with anything to become, anything to do.

However, if you remove your ego, your individual identity, you have an entirely new outlook: instead of wanting to do things, you see things needing to be done. You see a bigger picture, of what's around you. Instead of wanting to climb the mountain to gain something, you climb the mountain because you deem it is necessary in one way or another, and how it affects you is completely irrelevant.

I used to conflate the words 'ego' and 'will' to be the same thing, but in fact they are completely separate and different. Ego is identity, and will could be spawned from identity, but will can also exist on its own. You can will something, even if you as a person don't exist to the broader world or society. Consider it being like a ghost, the will you gain in this scenario is far more free than the one weighed down by identity or flesh.

A lot of people who use psychedelics speak of an "ego death", of being one with the universe, of feeling that your individual presence does not matter - if you choose to do nothing. But that's just the thing - you can do things, and that's what matters. You have a single life and with your presence you can change so many things, potentially for the better, if you so will it. Your identity will fade with time but the impact of your will will still be felt millennia down the line, if you choose it to. A triumph of the will, in a way.

I recall Mishima Yukio using an apple as an elaborate metaphor for the idea that "to truly see, the existence of your self must perish", just as a knife must be plunged into an apple, shattering it to pieces, for the seed within to see the light. I didn't understand it initially when I read it in Sun and Steel, but now I think I get what he was trying to say, at least somewhat.

I think it's so interesting. I've never used psychedelics so I can never be sure of what those who use it, truly feel, but I think this conclusion that I've come to through thought alone, is likely similar to what they have experienced.