This is a vent, topics of self harm and suicide. I just needed to let it out.

I was doing so well. So, so, so well. What the fuck happened. Why did I just pick up the box cutter and dice myself like that? What was I even fucking thinking? I was fine. I'm fine. SO, SO WHY THE FUCK DID I JUST CUT MYSELF AFTER ALL THESE FUCKING MONTHS? I swear I'm going insane. I was doing just fine, I was talking to friends, and goofing off. Laughing. Smiling. Twenty seconds later after I don't see any activity, I just dig into my pillow and pull out my box cutter. After 15 minutes of a catatonic state of mind, I realize what I'm doing. I freaked out and I started cutting myself even more. Why? I can't even figure out why. What am I doing. I'm still cutting myself. Wha ttheh actual fuck is going on. I don't feel like I'm in controlof myself.