What I hate about myself

I hate my emotions, the way I say and explain it

I cannot ever let out my emotions on the dearest people

I don't care if I really need help or at my lowest

I won't ask or seek help, I do not wanna be a burden

I'm already so tired, I've tried and tried I cannot try again

it's the same I always get hurt in the end after trying my best

I don't even think I do any better.. even though people

tell me I am kind and sweet I'll never understand why

I wanna be held, hugged, and loved I feel disgusting..

I just want to be held meanwhile I'm asleep or crying I wanna feel

a spark- I wanna feel emotions and comfort through touch

but I guess here I am.. Getting mad at people hugging me

who even am I? I never understood myself or even anyone

They say "Thank you so much, I'm happy you understand me"

oh.. huh? I did? I did understand you? I didn't know that..

Can someone like me ever be noticed? I mean I'm the first one

who notices people but will people ever notice me first?

I have been struggling so much, i really wanna vent so much

but words cannot understand me, myself, and emotions

either can I.. Maybe the people to me are just lying to make me

feel better? maybe.. yeah.