struggle with connecting with other human beings (btw I ain't depressed, this is js some stuff...)

I struggle connecting with others for some reason and it's really lonely. I don't go out at all and rarely interact with others (apart from my family, which I don't even talk to them THAT much cuz idk what to even say to ppl) and when I do, I just get really nervous and my overthinking ruins everything about it. I stutter when I speak and I can't start or continue a conversation with anyone. I only give short answers like "hi; yeah; cool; nice; great; ect..." which makes everything so awkward. I don't know why i'm like this, I don't why I can't speak my mind or just chill out and be comfortable around others. I feel like ppl think that I don't wanna talk to them or that I don't like them because of how I act so they don't talk to me. Like i'm js not worthy to talk to bc I don't say much. But I do wanna talk to people, pls keep talking to me like I could listen to you forever. Just cuz I don't say nothin doesn't mean I don't like it. And yeah, that's just makes me feel really lonely. I don't know why I can't be myself like why can't I just chill out. I feel so envious when I see other teens laughing and talking with each others and I be like why can't I be like that like what is wrong with me. It makes me feel so lonely. I hate how I don't fit in. I feel like some sort of alien from another planet, like I don't belong here. Which I why I like to view myself as like another species (not actually but like for fun) and I be like oh im actually a mermaid oh im an angel oh im a vampire ahah. It's fun to think that way tbh, like yeah i'm so much different from everyone haha (I'M NOTHING LIKE YALL) i'm such a cool and special person that no one is like me...uh. anyway...I just don't fit in and that makes me sad how hard it is to connect with others, I hate being so different. And there were times that I have tried to fit in, but it just ended up even weirder. I was just trying to be someone that I was not...that's when I realized, I could never fit in. No matter how much I'll try, I won't ever be able to fit in because i'm so weird. so, instead of depressing myself about a failed plan, i'll turn to the other option. I'll stop trying to be like others and just be myself. i'll probably be fine on my own. No one needs me and I don't need no one. It's that simple, no one gaf so why should I? I'm not gonna try to change anymore and instead just be me and be happy. Like I wanna cherish the little happiness left in my life no matter how little it is. Because one day, that little happiness left will disappear as you chase something impossible and it'll be too late when you realize it's gone and you'll never be happy on both sides. And so yeah, that's why i've decided to just be myself and stop trying to be someone that I was not because i'm not happy doing so.

BUT even tho yes i've decided to be myself, that doesn't mean that I love myself. Like I don't hate myself (thank god) but like I don't LOVE myself either. If I had the option to change as a person, I definitely would. I definitely would want to be like everyone else. I'd wish for a normal life with normal friends, normal family, normal me. Because on the inside, I still have a big desire to connect with others. Like yeah humans are social creatures so I still do crave connection with others. But me giving up on trying to fit in what keeps me from making those connections and that just makes me feel lonely yk? I wish I could meet someone like me. Like another alien like me. Js someone who matches my freak yeah ;b?

ANYWAY, NOTHING THHAT IM SAYING HERE EVEN MAKES SENSE HAHABUT I HOPE YALL WOULD WANT TO READ MY YAP YAP SESSION BYEE

"they make it look so easy...connecting with another human being. it's like no one told them it's the hardest thing in the world..."-My new character.