bad days

    【Hi everyone I've been swimming in homework but I find a way not to do it. Nothing                important  has happened for days but I manage to find a way to rack my mind,                     A long  and  whiny blog but I had to get it out because I'm starting to drown in my                                   own  thoughts and telling a friend is not familiar to me】

I  Want To Talk About
Well, a few days ago it was Nira's birthday so I tried to make they birthday special, to make them feel loved since they family wasn't going to give they a party this year, so I prepared several gifts but I got really stressed thinking about how I would give it to nira or if his gifts looked good, in the end I gave them to Nira  the gifts and nira give me thanked me and nira answering with a long text each message of the gift, it was nice and we watched a movie
Also something more recent is that I have planned with my friends to watch horror movies this 31st but I'm afraid that my parents won't give me permission because they are very religious, I will go with the excuse of going to do homework but even so I'm afraid that they will say no and well, if I sneak out to go and they find out it would be much worse
I Dont Want To Talk About
I I don't like to admit it but I feel like my mental health is going downhill, school is demanding a lot from me and I don't know, I want to be a good student but I'm human, I have things to do, I want to watch movies, talk to my friends that I don't see at school, sleep in the afternoons or learn to do something new but I can't, I do homework or I do what I want
It stresses me out not being able to do the things I like or do homework, I feel like I'm just wasting my time and then my friends, my friends ask me if I did my homework and if I don't do it they're telling me all day to do my homework in class so I can turn it in, they repeat it over and over as if I didn't hear it, it's stressful, it makes me angry but I feel bad for getting angry because they say it because they want me to get good grades...or so I would like to believe
Going back to my parents, my parents are very religious, but that kind of religious that suffocates you, they don't want me to listen to music, or do homework on the day we have to go to church, or spend so much time on my cell phone and now They are waking me up early to read the bible, I hate waking up early, I fall asleep at 12 am to do homework or to take advantage of finishing the homework that took me all day and then they come and wake me up at 5 am they don't even let me sleep 6 hours and even if I tell them I don't want anything to do with the church they will only get offended and start to make me get involved in church things which will make me feel more suffocated than I already am
I feel sad, angry, upset, irritated, that makes me angry because nothing BAD has happened in my life for me to feel like this it's just my dumb brain, and now every thing that happens I react angrily and if I don't react angry then I react sad but even that I can't even cry because they will scold me if I cry, so I just hide in a place, drop a few tears and then go out and pretend that nothing happened, it makes me angry to cry just because they criticized a stupid drawing I made, I hate yelling at my friends for something stupid
I feel like I'm sinking, I don't know what to do, I lost my headphones too and it makes me feel lonely and sad
I talk in my classroom or at home but nobody pays attention to me, I have to repeat the same question several times to get an answer, do I speak too quietly? or are my questions just stupid? I don't know, sometimes I tell myself that I won't talk anymore but I can't help but start a conversation and wait for minutes for them to answer me until I realize that they won't answer me because they didn't hear me or they didn't want to. 
and when I give up and I don't want to talk anymore then they start talking to me or joking with me
people are weird, people are weird or I'm just taking life too seriously, but if I take life calmly then I'll start failing all the subjects there are and I'll feel just as bad as I do now
(in the future when im read this i¨ll be laugh at me for being so dramatic, i hope
in black because im emo now -is a joke-)