i am a boredom-radiating spirit

lately it feels like everyone gets tired of me so easily

no matter how hard i try to make a conversation, i feel like i am giving too much energy on my end and it weirds out the other person, theyre not interested at all in what im saying and it feels horrible... that horrible feeling is something i would never want anyone im talking to to feel like, so thats why i feel like the worst if i dont hear someone out for what they want to say, and i dont want to be stuck in the trap of trying to please everyone but finding out im making someone feel uncomfortable or upset is like my own kind of torture

ive always wanted to be the person who can see others positive, i really try but it just feels like i read too much into a persons character and i start thinking "theyre the worst" "they wouldnt even bother listening to you, why are you still speaking?" and i never give anyone a chance anymore, thats why i suck at socialising and finding connections

if i could be one of those people who just expects respect from everyone, and assumes they are already liked, maybe my life would be easier.. but its never like that, i just assume no one wants to talk to me and if i talk to them ill cause them discomfort and i dont want to make someone feel shitty so i may as well never try 

its always like this

i guess it cant be helped u_u