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"i fear this admiration will be the end of me; blurring the lines between what i want and what i need."

i fear i was never much for typical relations. ive found, since ive lost my devotion to god, ive found god in others. not by finding god's good in the beauty of his creations, but by finding godhood in the man i adore. i fear that this time, i may have placed another human being too close to the heavens, and it makes the universe itself seethe. perhaps i am wrong, but what else am i to do? i'm meant to lay my worship somewhere - where else am i to put it? i kneel and i pray and i beg for some godly approval to save me - to be seen as good is enough, to make me feel clean. 

i suppose i was a god-fearing man before i strayed from his path of righteousness; thus, it only makes sense for me to fear man, now that ive declared man my pwn god. sometimes i shiver like a tired feral animal left out in the rain at the sound of their voice (it is then that i remember how fear has been our most basic instinct for survival). sometimes i sob as i feel god's good graces fall upon me. perhaps heaven can sometimes be on earth?

the whispers have warned me of the power i give to man. they grow from a quiet static to a series of crashing waves at my ears, "isaac... you are godless." i fear the hands of demons will reach me almost nightly, that is, unless i have him with me. he is what keeps me safe, and he is what good is - is that not god? i have found sanctuary in man. does that make me evil?