Like a whole buncha my friends are turning eighteen and I feel weird bout it. Like wdym time passed and now yer a legal adult?? I don't necessarily feel gross about them being eighteen rather that I'm sixteen. I was aware of a slight age gap innitially and it hadn't been weird before and it won't be when I turn seventeen in a few months but damn. I worry they'll view me as ig a liability? And then compensate by excluding me entirely. I don't believe it'll actaully be that big of a deal but it's still on my mind.
Another thing, I still have a regular therapist right? Well it's become obvious that I've really made a lot of improvement. I'm at a point in my life where I don't really need one. I have a whole buncha relationships I'm maintaining, plans for the future, meltdowns are infrequent, great mental health, self esteem is through the roof, & genuine desire. My life is like,, not a burden. I used to think I wouldn't make it past fifteen, now I'm actively striving to do something with my life. I want to live. I want to explore and be in the lives of others. A total shift.
There was a small thing a while back too, never told anyone. I was in the cab coming home from school and we pass a billboard that just says "you're beautiful". Years ago my reaction would've been something along the lines of 'that's bullshit' but that's so far off from how I responded. It's so corny man, I saw it and went 'Yes, I am.'
I hope this don't come off as boasting. I just need somewhere to put these thoughts.
Grades are good, all A's and B's, maybe I'll sneak a C in there by the end of this semester.
Planning on going half-days, if I wanna persue biology I need to get it from my home district. Learning how to socialize with NT folks too. Really hoping that if I push hard enough I can make it by second semester. There's a buncha moving factors and people involved in getting that done but I'll be damned if I don't try. I do want some semblance of a normal highschool experience, love my therapuetic dayschool but it's far from a public highschool.
Speaking of which, Halloween dance coming up! No idea what I'll be for it let alone actual halloween but I'll figure something out. I'm gonna do it this time, I'm actaully gonna fully participate. Who cares if I look a fool, I'm gonna have fun damnit.
That's bout everything I got for now, I'm gonna play some Order 1886 and RDR2 with my father.
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