repetitive

i honestly dont get what the purpose of routine is besides the small joy bleakness and consistency give to you. it feels like there are times where the same day repeats over and over and i know thats how everyone lives but you randomly pause at times and think what the fuck? i think thats why im so hungry to just..do things where i feel like im a human, why im so desprete to grow up and live a life where i can have constant experieeces that dont make me feel llike im living in a fucking simulation because too many people live and die like that where their alive yet their rotting like a thrown apple