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Elliot Smith rocks. Anyways. Im really really trying but damn this shit is tough. It's always something I'm constantly angry, dissatisfied, frustrated, etc. Basically whatever some moody wanna-be asshole is supposed to be. I like to write off all of my problems as internal and caused by my own lust for being some interesting musical cool guy stereotype. Deep down I don't think this is the case I think I am having a hard time and that is valid and it's okay or whatever blah blah blah. But this fucking haze I'm in constantly is disgusting I hate it it makes me sick. There's this constant dark cloud filling my brain just fucking me up. Like I'm trying so hard, I love so much, there's so much I want to do but I just can't its like I'm a fucking baby and I'm being shaken side to side. I can't focus I can't think I can't just lock in on anything. Collage is kicking my fucking teeth in I keep putting things off or not turning them in or turning them in half-assed. I really want to try and be better I want to try and get better but there's nothing I can do. I am forever a victim of the environment I'm in and there's no changing my environment. See I say some pathetic shit like that like I can't change things that I can. I understand a lot of it's my fault, I can do and change things to not be all fucked up, I'm fucked up because I haven't changed them, and I can't bring myself to change them because my heads all fucked up all the time. It is a never-ending cycle. Again I'm just like Sisyphus FR or whatever a pretentious, deep, philosophical, nihilist, like me is supposed to say. And I act like because I'm self-aware and know what to say to seem different and create this character that I'm any different than the "Rick Friends" I make fun of. God what a pathetic existence this is. But there are good days and bad days and all I can do is carry on and try and be better and hope tomorrow is better! Sorry for the misspelling or lack of grammar, I was on a roll. Thanks! Hope you're doing good, if not it'll get better it always does!
I'll Fake It Through The Day
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m0rty
i know you've probably heard it before, but consider uninstalling your social medias. we humans aren't really built to hear about how shitty the world is constantly, and social media feeds off of the suffering that causes. uninstalling everything was the biggest step i made to getting better. please at least consider it!
Oh dude of course it's something I've considered, and it's something I'd love to do, I think about it every day. It's an unfortunate matter of life that I kinda need it. I really only use this and Instagram and this doesn't really count. I'm very involved in local music and communicating with bands booking shows and seeing and sharing fliers is all done almost exclusively through there. As well as certain friends that I only have on insta and I can always ask them for their numbers blah blah blah. Really the only reason Instagram is bad for me is because I doom scroll and that's only bad because it wastes my precious time. Overall I feel there are more cumbersome problems in my life affecting my mental health. Yes, I do agree and understand the negative effects of social media and I appreciate the advice. Thank You!
by SlimeyAndGross; ; Report
i'm glad to hear you're off it, it's just my go-to advice since most people are on it.
by m0rty; ; Report