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i was born on 2009 november 22nd in some random super conservative country as a person whos not cishet.
my parents were really busy when i was younger so they just gave me an tablet so ive been online for almost 15 years now and it was fully unrestricted which probably is how i have more "liberal" views
me and my family lived well for a bit before they started taking me to a preschool where i was forced to be social, my social battery is already low as is,so i kinda hated it but i didnt really have a choice so i just forced myself to be social, which was nice, these kids werent exactly judgmental which i cant say about the people in grade school, they were mean, isolated me from them and they didnt let me play with them or anything, but they were somewhat protective of me for some reason?
due to my bad social skills and the lack of social training centers in my country i had to go to an autism social training center, which was nice,i was treated like a human and the other kids were pretty nice, which probably explains my respect for autistic people, i think theyre really neat people :)
after i left i gained some super basic social skills but i still didnt really have friends, expect for one, it was this nice guy with a lisp, lets call him ted for the sake of his privacy and i somewhat developed an attraction to him over the years, though due to the fact i didn't know what the concept of homosexuality was or the concept of dating i just kept it to myself
over the years me and ted talked less and less and we completely stopped talking when i moved to a different school , i miss ted.
sometime in the 3rd grade i accidentally kissed a boy in class when i was half asleep in the middle of class and i actually somewhat liked it, i didnt like the looks the teacher gave me though, i explained that i loved everyone and i didnt know what i did wrong, i think this accident is one of the reasons that made me realize that i might not be straight but i didnt know what homosexuality is and i didnt accept that im not straight until i was 14
when i was 9 or so i got discord and i was friends with some questionable people, to say the least, i have nothing to say about them, i hope they became better people now
when i started middle school i was nervous, i didnt like it at all, people were meaner and they started making fun of me for how i am and that made me isolate myself from people,i still suffer from this in highschool
when i was 11-13 i acted extra religious, i never really believed in it or anything i just did it so my parents would like me more and ill be more "respected" between my peers, i didnt really do much i just prayed and acted extremely homophobic, mostly because i couldnt accept myself as anything BUT cishet
i was 13 when i got my first ever partner, some girl online that ive barely talked to but she asked me out, i was extremely happy because i was mostly lonely, not just in relationships but also friendships so i was SUPER happy, she left me 2 weeks later.
also at 13 i just stopped trying to force myself to be "religious", well more like accepted the fact that im not religious, my parents dont know this, nor does anyone irl and i stopped acting homophobic and i accepted the fact im not straight
whats funny to me is that when i became 14 i was really struggling with my how to label myself because ehh im not exactly straight but im not exactly gay but after a while i came to the conclusion that labels suck and i should be attracted to whoever im attracted to, also gender sucks sucks too and i became agender :P
as you can tell by my profile and personality i dont really have any irl friends which i why ive mainly had online friends,im still very insecure about myself tho and i dont really understand why my online friends actually tolerate me, is it a sympathy thing? i dont know and to be frank i dont care. if its out of sympathy then i like the sympathy
as of this blog going public, ill be 15 and i dont know what to do with my life, im still lonely, im still not very good at being social,im still not a very good person, i still havent talked with ted in like 3 years or so and i couldnt make any actual friends irl
idk what to do, i dont want anyone irl to find out im not cishet or that i dont believe in god, i might get kicked out of the house, but i dont wanna hide the fact that im not cishet to my parents
(sorry if this blog sucks, i didnt really give it much thought and it got kinda rushed so i could release it on my birthday)
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★Eli's mind★
If you think it's safe to tell your parents, then do it, if you think it could affect the relationship very negatively and you might even be thrown out of the house, then don't do it. There are times when we have to keep to ourselves what we really are, you have to consider whether telling will bring you more good or bad things, but that's up to you, this is just advice.
And don't worry about growing up without knowing what you want in life, I'm going to be 20 and I don't know either, just try things, life is for trying, if for example you start studying a career and you realise that you don't like it, then try something else, life is too short to be suffering for fear of change.
I take the liberty of telling you some advice that I would have liked to hear when I turned 15:
→ Try to socialise even if you feel like you're making a fool of yourself, sometimes it's just our imagination screwing us over.
→ Socialising is good, but be careful who you tell things to, don't give away your confidence too quickly.
→ If something bothers you SAY SO, don't keep quiet just to fit in.
→ Your opinion IS VALID, you don't bother giving it.
→ Just because they are your friends doesn't mean they can't hurt you, willingly or unwillingly, so you should always speak up when that happens and make it clear that you don't like what they've done.
→ If a friendship does you more harm than good, it is time to part ways for your own good.
→ Don't listen to the opinions of just anyone, but of people you trust.
→ LOVE IS NOT A RACE, don't be obsessed with finding the perfect person.
→ If you have a problem, first try to solve it on your own, if you can't, ASK FOR HELP, it doesn't make you dumber to ask for help.
→ Don't start an argument when you are angry, first relax and think things through clearly.
→ DON'T BASE YOUR DECISIONS ON OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS.
And yeah, that's all, I hope it helps you <3
ohh uhhh sorry but this blog wasnt made to find solutions and stuff
it was made to show at how i am right now as a person now that im about to hit 15, ill make a blog like this yearly to see my evolution as a person :p
THANKS FOR THE TIPS THO ILL TRY TO FOLLOW THEM <3
by SIVIUS; ; Report
AAAAAAAH SORRY ＼(º □ º l|l)/
I didn't want to disturb
by ★Eli's mind★; ; Report
NOO ITS FINE DWW <3
by SIVIUS; ; Report