viscera - poetry

wrote this as an in-class assignment

trigger warning for briefly described acts of violence, self hatred, and suicide

prompt was “write a dialogue between you and the critical voice in your head. format the piece like a text chain.”

read it out loud and the class went “oh my god.” so figured i’d share it here

you ever

like

think about how

no

i didn’t even finish

i don’t think about it

ever think about how everyone like

hates you

can you not

no but like

you hate everyone else

and you don’t have any friends so 

common denominator yk

istg 

or like when you read your work in class

and you’re super egotistical

like you think you’re better than everyone

everyone can tell

i don’t think that

don’t lie to yourself, thistle. yes, you do. you have the diagnosis.

i know. i know i do.

the fuck am i supposed to do about it?

stop being such a fucking dick all the time

i try

no you don’t.

you don’t try at all. 

you sit in class and imagine doing horribly violent things to the people around you

and you sit there. and don’t try to stop it at all

i just don’t

bullshit.

bull. shit. this has been happening to us since fourth grade. 

you know exactly how to stop

but you don’t

because you just get more creative each time

shut up

you’re a positive feedback loop.

you daydream about ripping out the throats of people who don’t deserve it

of digging your fingers into eye sockets and squeezing

of slicing open stomachs

shut up

of clawing behind ribs with your own hands

shut the fuck up

of puncturing a beating heart with your own jagged fingernails

i said shut the FUCK UP. 

all because it helps your writing.

gives you creative metaphors. imagery. 

don’t make shit up about me

you? i am you. 

i feel your anger. it’s mine, too

but i’m the only one who isn’t ashamed to say we like it

kill yourself

you first.