I miss her

Sometimes I miss the way she grabbed my hair and played with it, sometimes I wish I didn't try to grab for the pills, one slip up and they leave, is that love, in some way was she condescending or was it me? What if I did this and that..... just what if, it's just a question at this point, is it love if you question, picturing her with the new guy hurts, a deep gut-wrenching feeling fills the void that she left. She wasn't bad she just wasn't ready, was I ready though, did my insecurities get in the way, did she love me. Yes, she did you fucking idiot it's your fault though, you get to cry now alone. If the stars aligned she wouldn't see it, only I trapped in my delusions, I love her though but she does not love me.