⚠️ vent

I used to be so dissociated it was like I was watching my life more then I was living it. I was so trapped in my own head that it was hard to socialize with people and with the people I did socialize with I was never myself, I was who they thought I was. People would perceive me a certain way and I would unconsciously act the way they perceived me, if someone thought I was stupid and incapable that’s how I would act, if someone thought I was cool and nonchalant then that personality would come out. I was never myself I was always what people wanted me to be. Now it’s like suddenly I’m human and things do affect me and I’m not the personalities I would pretend to be I’m just me. Now i feel so much more then I did, it’s like things that would annoy me now make me want to uncontrollably sob and it’s weird and kinda terrifying I have to relearn what person I am, it’s like I’ve switched bodies with someone and I don’t know who or what that person is but at the same time it’s so fucking familiar.