I AM STUPID! (crush asked me out?)

So, I was talking to a friend about our crushes and all that, and, mind you, it's literally 4 am here. While we were chatting, it suddenly hit me: my crush of 8+ years might have actually asked me out a few years ago. And honestly, I don’t even know how to feel about it right now. My friend, of course, gave me a whole lecture about how clueless I am for not realizing it sooner, and honestly, she's right. But then she went to sleep, leaving me here, completely lost.

I'm not obsessed with him or anything, but he was my first crush, and well... I guess I’m still kind of crushing on him. What a child, right? We've known each other for over 12 years and are kind of good friends, I guess. We don't talk that often, though, unless I get an adrenaline rush and end up texting him, only to make a complete fool of myself. Technically, we’re part of the same friend group and share a lot of close friends and best friends, so it’s all tangled up.

I did tell my best friend once, who happens to be his childhood friend too, and she accidentally spilled the beans to the gossiping beach :) of our group (everybody hates her and she's not in our group anymore). She probably told him back then, but hey, hopefully, they’ve all forgotten about it by now.

Anyway, I won’t make this longer than it needs to be. I just wanted to share this somewhere and let out some of the stress before I finally get some sleep. And yeah, I’m not one of those pretty girls, and I know I’m definitely not his type. But still, I have some ‘evidence’ that maybe—just maybe—he did ask me out that day. Also, it's a huge deal for me—not just because he's my first crush, but also because I've never even been on a date, let alone had a boyfriend. It's not that no one ever asked; I just wasn't interested in anyone else but him growing up. Plus, he's the popular guy, both in the group and back in school. So yeah, it's kind of a big deal. Who knows, though? I could just be overthinking (already delusional, especially at this hour, half-asleep and all).

Okay, enough for now. Signing off! 

<3