vent

he said something kind of hurtful to me

ive just been so numb lately

i would have cried any other day

i dont feel anything except for irritation

irritation for the fact he has shut down for the past 5 hours and wont talk to me despite him being the one that sparked this conversation

he should have thought it over before saying it if he was just gonna shut down like he always does and i just have to soothe him like im his mother every time for the things he does.

but i feel like a piece of shit for being annoyed with his shutting down. i used to shut down all the time just like him. i imploded and there was nothing anyone could do about it to bring me out faster.

every time he shuts down, though, its because he did something to me rather than facing his actions and, idk, apologizing???

but again i feel so bad for him. he doesnt have the resources i have like therapy and medication

and i love him despite all of this. i really do i want to be with him forever but he is the one putting that possibility in jeopardy because he does things to me that he never wants to face.