My experience hallucinating a 'Skinwalker'

THIS BLOG MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME READERS

PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION IF YOU MAY BE SENSITIVE TO ANYTHING THAT COULD BE IN THIS BLOG

Now, please keep in mind I am not diagnosed with anything that makes hallucinations common for me. Nor are they actually common. I used to have audio hallucinations alot but as my hearing got worse they have gone away for the most of it. But this night that I will describe in this blog, proves that they are still present in my life. 

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It was already late at night for me at the time, around 10pm or 2200hrs depending on what time you use.
Now I had never been one at the time to stay up much, 9pm would be when i would go to bed, but this night i was bored out of my mind. There was nothing to entertain my mind, so to combat that, i decided to research into the paranormal. As one does when they are like me and horror or things that scare them are a topic of interest. So previously in the day i remember watching a YouTube video, and it had mentioned Skinwalkers. and i had decided that was an interesting topic to look into.
So i spent some time researching this new thing i had heard of, and honestly it IS very interesting, and was great to learn about. Until i decided to go into my images tab, as one does in the pitch darkness for some reason??
Yeah i was like 14 or 15 shush
anyway so i spent like 20min scrolling through images. they horrified me but drew me in. Many say its human nature, and yet as a kid ive been desensitized to horrid images. As near my house there would be many car crashes and i had also witnessed alot of domestic abuse cases first hand. So safe to say im not...spooked easy.
But this. This caught my eye. But i felt uncomfortable. like i was doing something i shouldnt, so i put the laptop away and js rolled over to sleep for the night. But it was not helpful, as the images had already burnt into my mind.

I can still see them they are that present. I suppose they were right when you remember what scares you more. great, isnt it?
Now as i was lying there, stuck thinking about horrors i couldnt properly comprehend, I began to hear noises. Outside of my window, there is a slight grass section, as we have a solid chunk between our house and the fence. Now this section was entirely fenced off at the time, as we had a smaller dog who we couldnt risk going there. So at both corners of the house there would be a fence, locking the section behind me away. Yet, i could hear movement. Grass moving, as if something was walking around looking. At first i was trying to convince myself it was just one of my dogs at the time, as shes an older dog and she goes on little wanders to find a good sleeping spot. Until i remembered the fence. The fence that made the windows behind me presumably not ever have noise nor movement. And yet here it was, a solid body, moving on the grass. I could tell.
And this began to eat at my consciousness, and what did that lead to? me assuming the worst. Me assuming there was a Skinwalker outside my window. Afterall nothing could get through that gate unless they were human enough to move it, or step over it. And this destroyed me. It was all i was thinking about as i was laying there. It was summer in australia and yet i had blankets ontop of me as weight helps me calm slightly when i feel paranoid. So i began to overheat, and for a second i quickly got up and turned my fan off. This was so i could hear the noises better, and understand EXACTLY where my cause of fear was standing or moving to.
So i was dying of heat. My body wanted to shut down on me, but my drive of paranoia and fear did not allow me to give in so easily. I had ended up grabbing my boxcutter that was under my bed. It was small but VERY fucking sharp. like slightly touch the blade and youd bleed for a few min. I knew it would not be enough to kill, but i decided if i were to do it would not be without a fight. i got up and moved to have my back up against my wardrobe. So then all windows of mine would be in sight. My back windows and the ones who were behind my head as i was lying in bed. 
So i sat there, clicking the blade in and out as a nervous habit, terrified i would die. The clicking didnt bother me as the movement i had heard already stopped, but my mind went wild. Imagining how it would kill me. How it would skin me alive and take my place. Maybe even kill my family while it is at it, afterall my sister, mother, and father were all a room away. My sisters room beside me, my parents infront of me. So i sat there, actively imagining how it would feel to be degloved, as i began to feel....watched. As if something from afar was keeping an eye on me. The feeling made my body tense and shaky as it made its presence more known as it felt like someone, or something was staring a hole right into me. Afterall i may see all the windows, but all the windows could see me too. My unsafe feeling skyrocketed as a sensation of dread pooled in my stomach. I didn't know what to do, nor how to deal with it.
I decided to risk it, and click my blade fully out as i got up, closing and locking all my windows, whilst also preparing to kill for my own life. Something preferably i would like to never feel again, please and thank you. Now i had locked all entrances to my room. all windows, all doors. And yet i know, that the stained glass of my older styled windows would not hold it back. It could break through them. Nothing could stop it. Especially not me. As my mind began entertaining this horrid idea i began feeling the need to grab a kitchen knife. One thats bigger, and could ACTUALLY be used to kill if need be. I hated the thought, and i kept telling myself i was crazy, and that doing so would put me and everyone else more in danger. Because it would give the skinwalker something bigger to use to assist in killing me if it wanted to. and if it got me it could use said knife to murder my family. And id much rather it just to be stuck with a boxcutter. But as i was on that train of thought i began to feel helpless, as i wanted a way out. Feeling like i couldnt take it anymore i began to entertain the idea of just killing myself. As then i would not feel the painful death from the skinwalker, but from my own hands. And maybe if i had sacrificed myself to it, it would show mercy to my loved ones. But as i sat there, internally dead, feeling like i had no choice but to be in a state of survival the entire night, the sun began to rise. It warm rays slowly drifted into my room. Best part was, it showed no shadows, and the only noises i could hear were birds. Soon after i heard my family begin to move around the house. They were okay. I was...okay? I had no way of knowing. But i had to go on with the day. As if nothing had happened.

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Now it's safe to say its been a LONG fuckin time since this happened. But after that night i began seeing things, tall dark figures roaming in my peripheral. It would be worse at night. To the point i barely slept at one point. To combat this issue, i painted a silhouette of the figure, and stuck it to my bedroom door. this would be so at night if i got paranoid id see it. And yes it would scare me, but it would be a physical reminder, that what i experience is not real. that it is all in my head. Fear created from what it intends to scare. I use it to ground myself, to stop feeling so much anxiety. For ages it has worked.

I still see it sometimes, i wonder if i had really escaped, or if it was wishful thinking. I occasionally entertain the thought that it was all real, but i know it was not. But i must move on. But this was my story, thank you for reading.