stream of consciousness

i think about the way it feels to spend hours under the warm lights in your room 

even though today you had just moved out after a year or so

i sympathize with your melancholy, i think i might know what it's like

but still i'm afraid to touch you

at least in the ways that matter more than the feeling of your skin on mine

hard to believe more things could matter in the moment but i know many things do

i think you know i love you but i don't know if i'll ever trust myself in the near future to ever admit that to you

sometimes what i believe today can't be trusted by whoever i will be tomorrow

and so until my love can be foolproof i'll just let my hands do the talking

me vs. my unmedicated mood disorder again

i've come to find sometimes we end up hurting people even when we take every precaution

and i'm just so sick of losing to my own self-fulfilling prophecies of sabotage and pre-emptive emotional unavailability and anticipatory grief

i think maybe i need to take care of myself a little more before we both leave this state of suspension

i don't understand anymore because if you had asked me just 2 weeks ago if we could stay suspended forever

i'd say yes

now i'm not so sure

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currently watching music videos on my laptop while writing this :P love mah lyf XDD