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I can’t remember the last time someone said my name.
And I don’t mean to get my attention.
Or to stop me from accidentally walking into oncoming traffic.
I had a conversation with my dad today.
He told me that EBT was a handout and people my age don’t understand the value of hard work and giving back to the community.
My heart burned and ached with a deep sorrow and longing for someone to listen.
But nothing came out of my mouth.
Nothing even crossed my mind.
Just blurred rage.
When I move out, I’m told that I should do it alone.
“Learn what you want”
“Figure out who you are”
I hate myself.
If I left all alone, I wouldn’t last a week.
Even around people I love, I still find reasons to long for the sweet release of death.
I keep telling myself that I know myself best.
That no one else can tell me what to do.
So why do I listen to him?
Why do I doubt my strong thoughts as soon as he gives his two cents?
Last time I checked, I was not a god damn ATM.
And besides, most ATMs don’t accept cash anyways, so there.
My friends are gone.
And the ones who are sticking around are clinging to me like sap to bark.
Sickeningly sweet, but damaged and worn.
I love them dearly.
But I’m losing myself.
I would never leave.
Like the tree holding onto the leaves as fall sweeps on by, knowing there’s
Nothing to be done once they decide to drop.
And yet they always come back.
And I always mourn.
When my time comes, I’m hoping the grass will be soft.
That the birds will tread around me kindly,
And the worms will find shelter from the birds under my body.
I long deeply and truly for a reason.
Anything to bide my time.
Hobbies and talents are lost to me
I don’t find a reason to keep them alive.
I used to be fun.
I used to run along the pavement and catch moths and birds,
Reveling in the glory on the day I caught a wild rabbit.
Where did he go?
Where have I gone?
The sun sets and I don’t feel a thing.
Comments
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Alex (or Lexi or Cosmic)
you alr..? <:( /gen
I'm okay, just very sentimental. ^-^
by xXSal_FisherXx; ; Report
alr, just checking ^^
by Alex (or Lexi or Cosmic); ; Report
Ur too kind, you take care ^^
by xXSal_FisherXx; ; Report
aww, ty
and you too :)
by Alex (or Lexi or Cosmic); ; Report
:3
by xXSal_FisherXx; ; Report
also, btw
if you ever need someone to talk/vent to, just lmk
I'm here if you need anything, ok? <3
by Alex (or Lexi or Cosmic); ; Report
I'm very lucky to have a healthy support system with my friends, but I appreciate you offering ^^
by xXSal_FisherXx; ; Report
ofc, np ^^
make sure larry doesn't do anything too stupid lmao
by Alex (or Lexi or Cosmic); ; Report
No promises. He's quite the free spirit :/ for better or for worse
by xXSal_FisherXx; ; Report
yeah, that's true lol
by Alex (or Lexi or Cosmic); ; Report
If you want to message me, you can! We don't have to talk through comments lol ^^ (up to you!)
by xXSal_FisherXx; ; Report
my IMs don't work (T^T)
I have an acc on another website where my IMs actually work, tho lol
I also have the link to my profile on there on my acc here
by Alex (or Lexi or Cosmic); ; Report
Oh no! I'm sorry man. I will definitely keep that in mind
by xXSal_FisherXx; ; Report
it's alr, and thanks ^^
by Alex (or Lexi or Cosmic); ; Report