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Not a sociopath.
He asserts that he's this "high-functioning sociopath," but that grandiosity is giving bipolar mania imo.
and if he was a sociopath, I can't see him loving people so deeply.
I think he calls himself a sociopath when he's emotionally detached, and convinces himself that he has no ability to connect emotionally, but he seems to have a profound capacity for love. You can't even have Sherlock without Watson!
If Sherlock didn't love him, why would he fake his own death to protect him from Moriarty?
His mania
Addiction
I feel so deeply for Watson when Sherlock goes manic. The power that addiction can have over one during mania is so intense, and the regret when it's over is devastating.
Sherlock uses because he says he needs it to stay stimulated. This self medication is pretty common during (hypo)mania, but I think he does it so he'll stay manic. I've realized that when I'm (hypo)manic I preform absurdly well in everything, even if the crash is exhausting. I'd try to sustain the high energy by drinking so I wouldn't have to feel the crash yet, and so that I can complete things or projects before it's over.
The crash: Insecurity, self-doubt, and emotional vulnerability.
Suddenly, he's no longer the smartest man in the world. He's a fake. He's no longer superior to everyone, and he wants everyone to know it.
He believes that he must bear the burden of his "lies" and take responsibility for the pain he thinks he has caused others. That is the depressive guilt.
Sherlock's Apology
I'll highlight the important parts, since some of this is lore.
Hello?
John.
Sherlock, are you okay?
Turn around and walk the way you came.
No, I'm coming in.
Just... do as I ask. Please.
Where?
Stop there.
Sherlock.
Okay, look up. I'm on the rooftop.
What?
I can't come down so we'll just have to do it like this.
What's going on?
An apology. It's all true.
What?
Everything they said about me. I invented Moriarty.
Why are you saying this?
I'm a fake.
Sherlock.
The newspapers were right all along. I want you to tell Lestrade, I want you to tell Mrs. Hudson and Molly. In fact, tell anyone who will listen to you that I created Moriarty for my own purposes.
Okay, shut up, Sherlock. Shut up. THe first time we met, you know all about my sister, right?
Nobody could be that clever.
You could.
I researched you. Before we met I discovered everything I could to impress you. It's a trick. It's just a magic trick.
No. Alright, stop it now.
No, stay where you are. Don't move.
Alright.
Keep your eyes fixed on me. Please will you do this for me?
Do what?
This phone call... it's my note. That's what people do, don't they? Leave a note?
Leave a note when?
Goodbye, John.
also im not stupid, ik he faked his death but there was such glaringly obvious truth to some of this, and its even more obvious when we look at his overdose. that shit was a cry for help, showing he's deeply flawed and emotionally fragile.
Why it even matters to me
I like to feel like I'm not alone and I can succeed, and it's melancholic to see someone go through what I do. Right now I know I'm in a depressive episode and fighting it is so hard. I can't focus and I can't think, but I have to study. I know this would disappoint my family and I'm not able to be vulnerable with them. I'm not really able to be vulnerable with anyone in person even though I want to, but I guess I don't really want it? The implications are something I can't handle. The looks of worry and the incessant questions about how I'm feeling. They only know the half of it after I got out of the hospital and it's already too much for me.
I consider inducing mania so that I can do well, and maybe if I keep drinking I can sustain it until the semester is over. What use is medicines if they're just gonna make me baseline, and not excellent? Everyone expects excellent; that's what they want. I think back to how Watson reacts when he sees Sherlock's addiction in full force, telling him he needs it, and I'd feel terrible for my loved ones, but for some reason it's not enough to stop me anymore. I can't stand these ruts and anxiety and crashing every time I'm finally doing well. The craving to just do coke and drink so I can finally just succeed for longer periods of time is impalpable.
Anyway that's my post.
I wrote it non stop so I'm not gonna spellcheck it or proof read it, good luck. I hope you enjoyed my
incomprehensible spam about sherlock for some reason. that dude's
autistic, too, don't get me started. If I write about him being autistic
I'll have to make one about L from death note.
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