The emptiness machine

The memory of what I experienced between January 1992 and October of the following year will go with me when my time comes to leave, and I do not expect anyone to believe me or listen to me. That is why, today, July 25, 2019, I am going to try to describe the events with as much detail as my memory allows me to at least make a discharge of everything I experienced and, in that way, not have to carry so much with the weight of the situation.

I remember it was in January because the year had not started long ago, maybe only two weeks ago. The night was rainy. I left my house for a reason and to a place that I do not remember well. My shirt was soaked. I sat on one of the seats at the bus stop to wait for the transport to arrive. A man who was around 30 years old sat next to me.

I do not remember how, but we began to chat about the weather, work, life. He made interesting comments but did not seem to be worried about anything. He seemed calm and collected. His clothes also seemed to have gotten wet in the pouring rain, but he seemed to care little or nothing. He was an expressionless person, but still very friendly. We both got on the same bus and continued talking.

Time passed and so did the stations. When I realized, I had forgotten to get off at the one that was supposed to be mine several stops ago. I was upset. I didn't know how I was going to get home. I hadn't brought the Guia-T* with me. I told this man, whose name I still didn't know, what my problem was. Yes, that was the worst mistake I could have made in my life.

He told me that I would follow him. I, almost unconsciously, followed him. We came to a kind of dark and narrow alley. There was a door at the end of it. He opened it. There was a group of people gathered around a large metal structure. A machine.

All the people there were wearing civilian clothes, sitting around that large set of gears, wires and chips. I wanted to leave, but the man didn't let me out. He sat me down on a chair and I had no choice but to stay.

I don't know exactly what happened after that. The next thing I remember is standing in front of the gigantic machine. They put something on my head, something heavy, maybe a helmet. After that the machine started working. I felt like every single one of my feelings was leaving my body, the good ones, the bad ones. That device extracted every feeling and put it aside. It kept it.

The next thing that comes to mind is the memory of waking up in my bed. At first I thought this had been a dream, a very vivid one, but a dream nonetheless. But when I found myself going to the same place every night and having the same experience, slightly different each time, I realized that this was very far from being a dream.

On the other hand, I felt empty. Like I had no soul, just like I was a bag of meat. I couldn't feel anything. Nothing at all. I would have worried, but being unable to feel anything, I didn't.

I continued to go to that strange ceremony every night. I hardly ever remembered anything, but I will mention the little I remember seeing in that place.

First of all, the place was dark, lit only by the light of a few dim candles. There were some men wearing robes, among them was the individual who had brought me there. I don't remember exactly when or how they told me his name, but his name was Francisco. They were always closer to the machine than anyone else. After the rest of us were there, normal people gathered around that metal beast, without robes or anything significant. That is the little I can remember of the general atmosphere of each meeting.

What I will never forget is that night. Yes, that night. The night where everything ended for me.

It was a warm October night. Like every night I went to the alley and opened the door. To my surprise, only the group of men wearing robes were there. They invited me in. They told me very good things about me, that I was a good young man, that I was going to do well in life and that I had a great future. I wondered how they knew that, and they simply told me that they saw it in my soul. I asked where the rest of the people were, and they told me that they wanted to talk to me alone that day. They brought a tunic identical to theirs, and Francisco mentioned that he should be proud of being mentally strong enough to reach the position of protector. I didn't understand anything, so he explained to me.

The function of the machine was to extract the soul of a person so that they would be free of worries and any kind of stress. In any case, the soul is an essential part of the human being and not many people survive without it. I would have been stunned. But I just felt a strange sensation in my chest that told me that this was absolutely wrong.

They went on to explain how the machine leaves an inner void in people that not everyone is able to fill with something or ignore. That there were very few people like me, who were strong. So they wanted me to join their “elite” group in which everyone was resistant to the emptiness, and in which everyone revered the machine more than anyone else. I reluctantly agreed just so they would let me escape in peace.

That night I waited for the meeting to end and ran as fast as I could to my house. I never went back to that place. Over time I regained my feelings. I became aware that I was in a cult. A cult of people who had fallen for the promise of the emptiness machine.

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*Guia-T: A small book full of maps, references and routes of public transport used in Argentina in the 80s, 90s and 00s. It is a wordplay (Pronounced guiate (guia-te), which means guide yourself in Spanish)

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Hiiii this is my first post :3 Hope you liked it!

Tell me what you think in the comment section, I would be happy to read your opinions, just be nice, ok? :D

English is not my first language. I originally wrote this in Spanish but I was too lazy to rewrite it in English so I just used the translator so there might be some errors.

The events of the story take place in Argentina, Buenos Aires. That is why October is a warm month and in January it rains and does not snow.

Btw, yes, I got inspired by the LP song "the emptiness machine" for the title and the last sentence :).