im pissed off again.

oct 12 2024

im pissed off again. first off my life is fucking awesome. barely working. money slowly running out. not going to school. havent hung out with any of my friends in like 3 months, waking up at 11am, barely making music/shirts. back when i had a job i actually thought this was gonna be a period of change for me. Started going to sleep early, reading, not being on social media, having a job, making money, getting help for my mental health. well shit now im unemployed, like 300 dollars to my name, im on this stupid fucking closeted gay middle schooler website every 20 minutes. pretty much completely gave up on excercising. therapist inst helping. past few sessions have been pretty useless. i try telling her like "yeah im doing all of this and i noticed this about me" and all she can do is be like "mmmhmmmm and how does that make you feel." idk. bad. stop looking at your phone and tell me how to stop hating myself so much. fuck dude. i need to go back to college.

i need to fucking log out from this website, get a job, start working out, stop looking at weird ass shit, and get a new friend circle, but i know i wont because i am allergic to fucking effort and accountability and i will probably spend the rest of my life like this. 

oh yeah and also its not 100 my fault i dont speak to people no more. everything everyone my age wants to fucking do now is drink and smoke. all my friends ever hit me up to do anymore is go get drunk at random peoples houses. i dont get what the big deal is. you look cool for like a year, then you become an addict and get osteoporosis and then you spend a shit ton of money on rehab. fucking retar,d. thats 90% of mexican young adults only hobbies. that and watching some fucking caucasian millenial tv show on netflix. waste of fucking money too especially smoking. go buy yourself a fucking new era or feed your daughter or some shit.