my mother, my father & i

the more i think about it, the more i understand how much i actually am like my mother or my father. it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, especially to me, but for some reason it blows my mind to think that i inherented so many of their characteristics without any of us ever acknowledging that.

right now, i am listening to my mother play the piano. she started doing that some time ago, since she has been diagnosed with osteochondrosis: she wants to prevent it from progressing. it's now my new favourite thing to listen her playing. even though she hadn't touched the piano in years and her play sounds a bit wanky, it is a nice change of pace to listen her playing. and right now, while listening to it, i understand where half of my quirks came from: i can't sit still without drawing something, just like her, who can't spend a day wiothout knitting; i enjoy listening hours of other people talking, but i don't talk much myself, just like her; i do some music every now and then, because i enjoy singing, just like her, who wanted to do piano once more for a long time.

i took my emotinal stability from my father. i understand why am i like that, because of the trauma he left me, but now i see that it's not only that. sometimes i talk and react on things in the exact same way as he does. i nod my head and feel indifferent towards some things, just like he does. both of us, whenever mama asks us what do we want for dinner, just shrug our shoulders and do "the face", mumbling something like: "i don't know.." or "whatever's good for you..". i inheretend my angry issues from him: both genetecally and uh. traumatically? if that 's the word.

it blows my mind just how i am....a remix of sort from the both of them. it should be obvious, really, but as soon as you start to notice how much you really are a child of your parents it feels a bit odd. the one thing that differs us in extreme way is that i can't stand alcohol. i hate the taste and the smell of it and being around drunk people makes me very uncomfortable. i think this one is due to trauma they left me or something.