My views on religion

I have such a complex relationship with religion.

I’m an atheistic satanist that follows LaVeyan Satanism. I was raised Christian and was very devout until around high school age. Now, I don’t believe in any God. At all. I am completely atheistic. Now, here’s where the trouble comes in. I hope for an afterlife. I want there to be an afterlife where I’ll be reconnected with lost relatives and pets. I want nothing more than to be able to see my grandpa again when it’s my time. The thought of never being able to see him again is beyond heartbreaking to me. I hope and hope that his spirit is somewhere happy along with his lost relatives and watching over me and my family instead of just lying in a box in the ground and there’s just… nothing but blackness.

I know it goes against my atheistic standpoints, but I really hope for an afterlife. I also believe in souls and spirits, which extends to me believing in the supernatural. I firmly think my grandpa has sent me and my family multiple signs that he is still here.

I’m not sure if all this would fall under the “not religious but spiritual” umbrella, but… yeah.