It's been month(s?)! Talking to myself!

Hey! 

NYC was a little life changing. I pretty often find myself barely feeling alive, or just like nothing I do has any impact on anything and never will-- because the world is a big big place. So I'm not sure why going to the biggest city in the USA made me feel better. I guess a better word would be awake. I felt seen, in my normal life there's plenty of high schoolers and my family but that's it. In NYC, it's everyone-- many people see you every day, even if they don't "see" you, yeah? So, I suppose I can safely say I "want to be a part of it, New York, New York"!

I also saw Cabaret while in New York. It was exhilarating! Eddie Redmayne was fantastic, and incredibly hot if I'm being honest. The costuming was colorful and unique and transitioned to being dull and lifeless as the story got darker. The atmosphere of the theatre was genius and immersive. I got a signature from Gayle Rankin, who played Sally Bowles! It's corny to say, but I'll treasure the experience forever. 

But school's been same old, same old. I'm missing quite a lot of assignments and I'm a little afraid my grade's gonna slip. It's hard to focus on that stuff when I have a lot more going on in my head. 

I've been feeling pretty lonely recently, I guess. I'm trying to remedy that. I think I give up less easily than others, mentally. I want to keep going until I feel better. I'm not ready to abandon myself, if you know what I mean-- not like suicide, like, mentally checking out. I have some soul left in me yet!

An NYC pic on my old camera. Most beautiful ugly city I've ever been to!