did i get SA’d?

i cant tell if this is some sort of trauma rejection,

but ever since i was able to dream, i have always had nightmares of being SA’d by my father.

its always something that has haunted me and something that has always made me fear him.

not only have a feared him my whole life due to this and other things, i have never ONCE felt comfortable around him.

i cant tell.

but there is no reason or explanation as to why he has this much resentment and guilt towards me. 

i can see it in his eyes and in the way he acts towards me.

not once have i ever done anything wrong. im a quiet child.

just thinking about this right now is quite triggering.

i dont know if im just crazy or if it did happen and i dont remember it?