im 19 and i feel okay

i feel very neutral about life and everything that it carries

where i live, it's currently 1 am and i have uni in a couple hours; i cant sleep, and the more i try the more i get BORED of trying to sleep.

i have a gig coming very soon, a music gig. i play the drums, guitar, and some piano, and i love air-shredding the bass.

i think a lot of the time i confuse reason with an excuse, i might give something a reason to why it came out the way it did, or why what happened happened. however, at some point, it might turn into an excuse.

once, there was this man who called me, he started the call with what i think was a million curse words and a couple threatening to ruin my life. it was very upsetting and traumatising, i think to try to make sense of the situation, i self-diagnosed the guy with trauma and blamed the reason he reacted so weirdly was because of the way he was raised and how he dealt with how he feels lol

but i recently realized that that might not always be the case, these people might come out of nowhere with absolutely no reason ever, and do whatever they feel like doing. and that's typically where you should stop and not reason with yourself on why he turned out that way, i ultimately justified that man for yelling at me.

if you're wrong, a reason automatically turns into an excuse. (don't quote me please, i know this is inaccurate and poor)

good night everyone, i will now attempt to fall asleep -_-