the right thing to do

There is a situation that I have had in mind for a few weeks, it all started with the idea of ​​pursuing my dream: art.

In high school I used to have a classmate who shared my taste for drawing, we quickly became friends, even for the duration of school we were best friends, she was always better than me, I was always clear about it, and the truth is I envied her, no in a bad way, but at that moment I wanted to draw as well as her, she was an inspiration, I always envied her creativity and she naturally has a talent. Now she is studying arts in another state, I think I still envy her because, even having to go far from home, she was true to herself and is doing what she really wants.

It is no secret that being an artist today is very difficult (at least that is how I see it), so I took the option that for me was “the right one” and decided to study another career; don't get me wrong, I wouldn't say that I hate that career, but since I started I have had that recurring thought of dissatisfaction, that maybe I could have done something else.

In high school I honestly didn't have many friends, and in second year I became friends with another girl, the one who is currently my “best friend”, our friendship has deteriorated, she changed, we all do, but what she is now doesn't fit me at all, she's never had a hard time making friends, and now she's having what I call “the college dream.” 

What happens with the two of them is that they entered to college a year later than me, and I am envious of both of them, the first girl who studies arts is pursuing her dream, and the second is in the place where I wanted be. I thought that by finishing high school well and getting through a year without falling behind I would be doing the right thing, but honestly I am not happy doing anything I do, I think I have left my passions behind and I am only running towards what I feel is safe.

I recently decided to take time off from school, everything came together and I couldn't keep up with the pace that the career requires. I'm going through one of the most serious existential crises of my life, questioning who I really am; It's a no-brainer, but I never realized how much I compare myself to others and what kind of standard I want to fit into.

It is a very complex situation to which I still cannot find a beginning, but writing about this honestly makes it a little clearer where I should start.