dating

ok rant/vent IDK about partners 

so I've had a few partners from like 2020 to now, and every time I'm like loving ??? kind of like texting and in person I'll ignore them and I don't even mean to

like I want them and stuff it's just like. I get awkward and I'll ignore them and be dry and stuff and I don't even mean to. I just get like that. and then they dump me because I'm being distant. and before they would ask me out we would talk and be interactive in person then afterwards I like flip and I feel bad but It just happens and I'll feel super guilty and stuff

and on the other side sometimes I'll like feel like I don't deserve the attention and I'll cut myself and like WHAT!!!!!!!! but whatever I don't care anymore I give up with romance