october 6th 2024 (1)

i didnt do a whole lot today other than practice guitar and write whenever i wasnt feeling like shit. finally not working a sunday felt weird, im so used to my weekends being entirely taken up by work amongst other things. 

i find it weird how sometimes we as people just need one extra day to catch up on just...doing nothing? an extra day of rest? im thankful for fall break soon, learning spanish isnt as easy as i thought itd be. after break i have another w classes to take, only one im mildly excited about it philosophy cause the teachers actually communicate with us and allow us to share our opinions without immediately getting shot down.

i think that history, english, and philosophy teachers are some of the best teachers ive ever had, they acted like parents to me and im sure to other kids as well. i mean im fortunate enough that both of my parents are still in my life but if you asked them to describe me, they wouldnt even know how or they would describe someone that doesnt even exist. im not secretive about what i like, i just think they refuse to pay attention so it feels like my parents are absent in my life. my teachers are involved though, talk to me about things i enjoy, make references to it even, its nice. 

im waiting on my mother to tell me to grow up again, im 22 and all shes wanted from me since ive been about 5 is for me to just grow the hell up, im not even sure what she means by that anymore.

anyway

im not really sure what i aim to gain out of posting all this, maybe i feel like this is safer than writing my thoughts down in an actual notebook since my room gets raided by said mother every couple of months so she can find new things to be mad at me about.

heres to tomorrow