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The more I watch Thai content, the more I curse the misfortune which has befallen me and my appearance. I look very much like my father, no thai features in my face at all.
I look like a farang in my second home which is so dear to me.
To make it even worse, my mother is a beautiful woman. It seems though that none of this beauty had the grace to be passed on to me. I am an ugly individual with simply a beautiful idea of what I could've been. I think about that sometimes. Thinking about what I could've been breaks me-
I have no choice but to accept of course- what am I supposed to do anyway? theres is no changing my face. I feel alienated from the place I love so much. My only rescue would be to learn the language properly, and I think it's what I have left.
I tan very easily though. At least thats an advantage. As much as I'd love to be the beautiful, exotic wasian, with roots in the hot, humid jungle of Thailand, I feel like an Imposter every time I dare to act this way.
Curse this genetic lottery. Maybe in my past life, my karma was, good, but just not good enough. Maybe I've been punished with this eternal lingering selfhatred which I can't rid myself of.
Being a luk krueng is supposed to be glamorous. I was supposed to be special, but instead of that I'm just some halfassed idiot.
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Shack Man
I'm sure you're very beautiful! Don't be so down on yourself