Big win today FINALLY got my new pain meds

It feels like it was literally forever ago that the doctor said she was prescribing them to me and I had to wait soooooo long because she doesn't communicate properly. This whole thing has been so fucking annoying. She said she had a specific pharmacy she always works with and that they "only" do delivery. My mom and I even asked if there was anything we needed to do to get the meds and she said no. Then I got this email link to some supplement website from her and I assumed it was related to the meds so I got it and waited weeks for it only for it to NOT be what she prescribed me. I asked her when I should be expecting the meds and she said that I was supposed to call the pharmacy and that my prescription was almost about to expire. Like, dude... It's a good thing I bothered her about it ig. I called them and they in fact do not default to delivery so idk wth she's on. They can do delivery but I've been waiting way too long, I went to pick them up myself today.

Because while she was busy not properly informing me on how my treatment is supposed to work I've just been getting worse and worse. Everything hurts all the time and it's making it extremely hard to focus at work and to manage my mental health. I started experiencing really bad muscle soreness these past few days, which has never been a problem for me until now. When we first met and she assessed me she asked if I ever had muscle soreness in relation to my joint pain. Apparently it's common for people with joint instability (esp fully body pain like mine) to experience muscle soreness because since your joints are incapable of holding your bones in the correct place, your muscles can end up tensing in an attempt to pick up the slack and hold your bones in place for your joints. I'd never had this problem before like 3 days ago. It's SOOOOO BAD! Because it also fails to actually make my joints hurt less, so now not only do I have my regular sharp, pulsing joint pain, I also have this horrible burning pain in my muscles every time I'm even slightly active, and it's making me feel weaker like I can't exert as much force with my muscles. I started stumbling while trying to get up from chairs, couldn't lift heavy things as easily, and couldn't reach as high because my muscles feel like they're on fire. I keep making mistakes at work because I'm exhausting all my energy trying to look like I'm not in pain and involuntarily dissociating to try and not feel the pain. On Wednesday I got reminded over and over again by my co-worker about a very important irreplaceable specimen drop-off we got, I think it was spinal fluid or smth, that had very specific shipping instructions I needed to follow at the end of the day. I was in so much pain that night and wanted to get out so badly I completely forgot it was even there and didn't ship it at all. It's obviously better than losing it bc it is an irreplaceable specimen so that could easily cost me my job, but still that was a serious problem that I caused. This is getting so frustrating. 

I just got home from picking up the meds, I'm really hoping they work. My mom was reading an article on how they work last night and it's kind of fascinating. It's called Naltrexone, it's original use, from what the doctor told me, is to pacify negative symptoms that come from weening off opioids I think. It's used for substance abuse treatment. But in small doses apparently it can be very affective in treating pain. I don't recall the specific name of the endorphins it influences, but they're endorphins your body naturally creates that stimulate the healthy growth of cartilage or smth to do with your joints. Naltrexone in low doses can help boost your natural production of those endorphins ig. I'm supposed to start on 1.5 mg for a week, then 3, then 4.5, and tell her if it feels like it's working. I'm really hoping it does.

(Song is Someday Soon by Baby Bugs)