Life update - am i cooked / craziest week

written 10/05/24

Heres a small update in my life! its gone a bit crazy now. I reallyy don't know how to feel

Hanging out with boys is a bit unsettling now.

For some context::: My best-friend at school is a guy (and im a closeted afab person trying to figure out my identity lol so im basically a girl to those who don't know me or aren't close)

I was added in a groupchat with by my bsf with two other guys from school, it was okay til one of them started trauma dumping.. which i started comforting them and giving them some tips to get through. it was nice, til a few hours later he caught feelings for me and it just escalated from there, i also did because i got caught up in the moment so not fun...!

He started to be super creepy to me. he caught feelings because im the only girl to ever show care for him lol AND because im a goth... and hes obsessed with goth women.

i actually felt so so soo uncomfortable i started walking around with my bsf often and hide behind him to ignore any face to face interactions lol, he would be weird, asking to hug in a creepy way and random awful comments, i dont know how to describe this, but think of an old man trying to get with you as if it was to kidnap. It kept going for a few days til Tuesday of last week which we finally broke ties because of an argument. basically what happened is that he kept saying that me and my bsf are dating (which we aren't) and i got super uncomfortable so i decided to speak up on it cuz what the flip... he got super mad, and started sending PARAGRAPHS and never apologized lol.. welp, at least im free from that weirdo!

Anyways, before all that, on sunday i went on a small "date" with my bsf to the mall and it was fun! we bought each-other matching necklaces and he bought me a lego cinnamoroll figure!!

 We got a bit touchy with each other idk,, we held hands and he would hug me constantly and i think he touched m waist but i dont remember, he also kissed my cheek more than once lol.. He likes me, but i dont know if i like him back, even both of our parents think we're dating.. kinda scary.

I really dont want to be in a relationship at the moment and neither do i want any flirty interactions with anyone, like seriously. i just want a moment to focus on myself and school  before i bring anyone into my life, because i been awfully selfless for WAY too long.

He knows this, but pretty much continues to be flirty once in a while and keeps mentioning dating which i told him not to. For now im just thinking of ways to kindly reject him once more after multiple times... agh

I do blame myself, i let my friends be too touchy with me, and i am touchy back and clingy, but i see it as nothing serious lol

so much has happened that i will not write as its REALLY long lol

uhmm, man i just want to be free from weird men wanting me,, WHERE WOMEN AT