私の御神籤 | my japanese fortune slips

hiya friends !

I'm currently in japan (riding on the nozomi shinkansen as we speak), living out what are genuinely some of the happiest & best days of my entire life. (please help, I can't bear knowing that I have to leave soon.) in doing so, I'm trying to get started early on another very happy day, my wedding; by searching for my future husband as I go (following my dear mother's confirmation that he is definitely japanese. I doubted that until I came here.). this has created a certain amount of anxiety, which many japanese temples & shrines are happy to remedy, for a small price (usually only a 100¥ coin or two)...

this price is paid to receive an 御神籤 ('omikuji'), better known in english as a 'fortune slip'; as the name suggests, they are small pieces of paper with random fortunes written onto them, typically drawn from a box. in my case, I have pulled two such omikuji, after much hesitation due to my fears that they'd foretell something awful- they are not nearly as harsh as I'd feared. 

without further ado, my omikuji!:

this one is from 三十三間堂寺 ('sanjūsangendō), the buddhist temple housing 1,000 buddha statues, amongst relics of archery competitions, in 京都. we were meant to visit the famous 清水寺 ('kiyomizu-dera'), however it was raining & we'd have spent a literal two hours in traffic waiting to visit. so, we went elsewhere instead. I'm glad we did, or else I wouldn't have pulled this omikuji, & I am of course grateful to have done so, with divine guidance.

I was, at first, petrified to hear the rest when I read 'not so good not so bad'- I was still nervous about receiving a negative omikuji, & really wanted my first one to go well. but it turned out that I quite resonated with what it had to say (it was, after all, chosen by god for me, & all I had to do was draw it.) specifically, I'd already known that I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't able to work in something that I was truly passionate for; & my mother & I had discussed the idea of me opening some sort of kimono-focused side-hustle. to a lesser extent, I did find my lost item too, a tote bag I've been using for my laundry, after much fretting; though seeing as it was just in my suitcase, I'm not sure that counts... however, my encounters through things like the laundry bag gave me the confidence I needed to put my trust in the omikuji, especially for the 'love' area, which otherwise had me overthinking. 

a few days after 京都, & by 'a few' I mean 'today', we ended up at 'itsukushima', better known as 'miyajima island', very close by to hiroshima. at this island we visited 厳島神社 ('itsukushima shrine'), from which, admittedly, I did not draw my particular omikuji; but it seemed to have a handful of similar machines within its proximity. it was here that my friend & I commented to one another that we'd really like to find omikuji for love. lo & behold:

I transcribed its writings by hand, so that I could get a better reading from google translate. (I know! BOOOO!! I had only 40-ish minutes on the ferry ride back from the island, & wanted the understanding I'd gather to be, well, coherent.) my friends, meanwhile, took photos of theirs & google translated said photos; which turned out some poor quality results, so I ended up transcribing theirs as well.

I have a slightly more interesting story for this one. I just so happened to break off from my group & wander down a street, in which I found my mikuji machine; as soon as I stopped, I was guided to the omikuji meant for me, & so it was the one I ultimately pulled (after inserting my 100¥ coin, of course.) I haven't been awfully strongly guided on this trip so far; I have had limited success, for example, connecting with the shrines & castles I've been to, where I know my mother would be receiving all sorts of messages. this has, honestly, left me feeling bothered. but having some small sort of spiritual practice, such as the omikuji, from which I can derive self-confidence again has helped.

anyway, I am paying close attention to the day we are expected to be visiting the ōsaka kaiyūkan. before I even left for japan, I knew that my love lived in ōsaka; & when I arrived to said city I knew I'd see him on one of two specific days (shoutout to muscle testing!). my perception of my love has only grown stronger since I came to the city; I can better see what he's doing at a given moment, & can get some whisperings of names of those he's around. on the shinkansen this morning I felt that he was practicing in his school's baseball club (though I may be biased, because it seems a statistically significant phenomenon that all of the handsome boys enter into the 野球部), so I wished him luck with that, & shortly after was hit with intense 'wife-ly' feelings. for a brief moment in time, I knew what it was like to be a wife. to be on the same team as somebody else, to that extent, & to live in our world, instead of just mine. 

it has been an extremely special feeling. one night, before I left for japan, he came to me while I was asleep & hugged me, & I knew immediately that it was him because it felt real, as if I were actually being touched. I remember the feeling of him sinking into me, vividly so. of course, when in one's dreams, there is a line between their mind's imaginings & their body; at least in my dreams, I am mostly observing my surroundings, & if I am ever touched do not physically feel anything. the only person I would let cross such a line is somebody as dear to me as him. my mother has told me to trust in divine timing, & I have told myself that I will not fixate on everybody I pass by (though, may I respectfully say, many of the men here are very good-looking !), for I want to have enough time to actually meaningfully speak to whoever it is (probably hence the 'showing off your real skills'- I have not spoken an awful lot of japanese while I've been here, but am keen to do so.). 

as such, I will be paying close attention to the colour green on *that* day, rather than today; I have seen him looking up at the calendar in his room, with a particular day circled in red with 'kaiyūkan' written on it', & that he may wear an emerald-ish dark green shirt. I suppose I will also look out for hand cream, though I'm not terribly familiar with it on the best days. as previously mentioned, I need to put my trust in god that, like my laundry bag the other day, if I am patient I will find what I seek. so I will end it there, & I will hope to have an update for you all in a few days... until then, take care! I wish that I could share with you all even a small part of the joy & peace I feel at finally having made it to my dearly loved japan.

(by the way, I really hope he's a 藤原! >///<)