Nothing's worth it anymore. Right?

Here I find myself in the darkness
Typing alone on a notepad by myself.

I've always been doing this.
Sometimes on a piece of paper.
Sometimes on Twitter, or Discord.
Sometimes on a blog post maybe.

This is not the point of my message though.
The point is that I'm really tired of everything.

I love my friends.
I love my server.
I love working.
I love a lot of things.

But they're all so meaningless when life is so boring and unfair.
Cruel and difficult.
You know what makes it worse?
It's the fact that it'll get much worse than this.

I've been through so many bad times.
Like times so bad, it damaged me mentally.
Times so bad, it made chunks of my hair fall.

Now I want you to notice something.
Those times are over, is it?
Every dog has its day eventually.

And I've had my day. I've had, what, almost half a year, more than a year.
Indeed, there were some clouds passing by, but most of it was happy.
But the higher you jump, the same distance you fall back down.

Like the dirty and silent house after a party, I'm facing with the harsh reality of life.
It's that nothing really lasts forever.
It's so sad, isn't it? It makes me really sad.

Right now, I'm just arriving at the cliff that separates Yesterday and Tomorrow.
I don't know when I'll fall down, I'm blind folded.
But right now, I can only see everything I've swept under the rug coming to surface.

Every time, I've fled from confronting the harsh reality of life.
I'm still trying my best to stay in my little imaginary world.
Do you know what world I'm talking about?
The past.

School's getting more and more difficult each year.
I still treat school like I'm in fifth grade.
I don't care about learning.
It's useless to me.

But life is unfair.
School is hard.
Learning is hard.
And I don't like it when it's hard.

Dreams are really interesting.
So many wonderful things happen in them.
New people, new places, new stories.
It's a good escape from an unforgiving, unpredictable life.

My life is only good when I'm asleep.
I'm only happy when I'm dreaming.
But the harsh reality woke me up.

I want to sleep again.
In fact, I don't want to wake up ever again.
I wish I could sleep forever.