10/1/2024: work, self reflection, more work

today i tried to branch out a bit and go out of my comfort zone despite having a lot of schoolwork. read to find out more

schedule for today + comments:

2nd period/geometry: i had a test. i showed up late, but i think i did well. i’m hoping for a 90+ to fix my grade

4th period/yearbook: i managed to come up with a better title for our art spread since the people that peer reviewed my group’s spreads found it basic. we went from “lets make art” to “all the details” so i think it’s a massive improvement. i did some bio work that i forgot to do as well

1st lunch + 6th period/bio: i talked with one of my friends and lost my phone in lunch (it was in my backpack the whole time LOLL). we were supposed to have a quiz in bio but the librarian came to talk to us about citing things for our science fair projects, so it got postponed! my group’s science fair project is looking bleak.. i think we’ll have to choose a new topic to research b/c we can’t find any good sources for our current one.

8th period/history: i fell asleep for most of the class (like i fell asleep right after the warm-up and then woke up when we got a worksheet in the last 30-40 mins of class. it’s an hour and 30 min class… i just kinda blanked out for the rest of class. im gonna have to catch up bc i missed the entire presentation about hinduism and we have an assignment for it

after school: i was gonna do work with two people at a cafe but neither of them were able to come, so i opted to just go myself. for some reason i have a massive fear of simply doing things alone, so i decided to try to start facing it. the place was packed so it took me like 40 minutes before i stole a table from someone. i managed to get my annotation assignment for english done. i walked home after, but i was just out of it tbh. i took a shower afterwards to try to relax a bit and then i just scrolled on tiktok for a while

i don’t enjoy comparing myself to others, but i really can’t help it. people don’t text me that much anymore unless i start the conversation and when some of them do, it’s just to continue a tiktok streak. i look at other girl’s social medias and see comments on every single one of their posts pointing out their beauty. something that i fear i won’t attain. i look at other people’s grades and see how they’re better than mine. i have failed myself already. i see girls in my grade getting asked out to hoco with the big corny signs and flowers, something that i wish would happen to me. im doing my best to be kind, be humble, be grateful for what i have but i don’t see what’s so unappealing about me. i think i’ve reached the point where i’ve weirded out my own crush. i don’t know my own feelings for them and i’ve been trying to understand those feelings more. i miss my ex and i’s friendship before we dated, and it doesn’t appear that it’ll return to normal.

i hope that i’ll figure it all out soon.

overall rating: 1.5/5

today’s rating is emotional

songs i enjoyed today: