life is moving on {RANT}

as a kid i never thought i would make it past 18 without hurting myself but now here i am, 18 years old and i'm alive. my life is a mess because i never had anything ever planned out. Everything is coming at me all at once and shit is getting so stressful. i gotta get a job, i gotta get a car, i gotta get my license first ofc, and then i gotta get into college and i gotta start upkeeping with all of those responsibilities i never thought i would have. i wasn't prepared. i'm trying to handle all of these things one at a time but i can't i need all of these things done as soon as possible because i'm an adult now. i cant slack off. im handling all of this while also dealing with my breakup at the same time. i can't function properly, everyday i sleep in till late in the afternoon because i don't wanna be awake and deal with the world. i start hating on myself every single time i mess up something. im heavily shy and the kind of work im getting into requires me to speak up which i can't, my body forbids me from speaking sometimes and if i do speak its all mumbo jumbo. I'm currently trying to get a therapist to help with my mental troubles and anxiety but i'm scared of that as well. speaking with someone i don't know and sharing my deepest troubles to them scares me. but i need to do it for my own health and wellbeing yk. i hope i can get shit figured out soon and start coming to terms with things and hopefully settle with the life i have now. 

Thanks for reading if you do and thanks for any advice if given even, Love your Muse ♥