💌 "Things are just too draining..." 💌

*taps mic* So uhh how does this thing work? 🍰

Hello there, I'm Yumi and this is my first entry! I honestly haven't written a blog post in a really long while (perhaps the last time I did was back when I learned to use blogger.com when I was in middle school) but here I am! 👀🌸

As the title suggests, there have been some aspects in my life I've been having difficulties with. I remember being involved in quite a number of fandoms and personal projects, whether it be writing stories, drawing, voice acting, or making song covers on YouTube. But if I'm being completely honest, none of them really worked out for me? I remember telling myself when I was 12 that someday when I'm 13 I'd be able to start art commissions and earn some money for myself. That obviously didn't happen because I was so bad at drawing back then (even now tbh). Then it became, "When I'm 18, I'll open my own Paypal account so I can work and earn my own money through drawing/voice acting!" Fast forward to me at 20 years old with an empty Paypal balance and still no stable source of income. 

I actually have been working on writing and a few song covers (though out of all of them, I'd say writing is the least difficult one) I even plan on making a demo reel for my voice acting if time permits. But for the past few years, I've noticed that I couldn't seem to finish anything. I always end up demotivated and drained for even the simplest of tasks. I also couldn't get along or stay secure in any community I'm in (big or small, online or irl) thanks to the rampant discrimination on people like me. The cherry on top is my college life taking a huge toll on me physically, mentally, and emotionally that even if I have a bunch of resources at my hand, there's just never enough TIME for me to prepare for anything. 

I honestly admire those who have the time for their extracurricular activities like orgs while still maintaining the highest grades. As for me, I already sacrificed my social life (meaning I have absolutely 0 friends in our university and 0 extracurriculars), which technically should mean I don't have any excuse to fuck up my grades, right? Unfortunately, that isn't the case. I struggle a lot with keeping up with the mountain of school requirements and the insanely fast-paced lessons. Like we've only had two meetings for this one subject (Comparative Anatomy) and then suddenly we already have a midterm exam this week 💀 The breaktimes in between classes are so short, our dismissal time's two hours later than our high school sched in the pre-evening, and there's just too much content to cram all in the span of a few days per week.

Don't get me wrong, I love my course, but sometimes I can't help but wish I had more time to process everything I'm learning so I wouldn't have to feel so rushed and pressured. It's college, I know, and even if this course I'm taking has a measly salary that barely meets the minimum wage in foreign countries, I've exhausted all my efforts to just make it through.

Anyway, that's all for now. Until the next entry!