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I know i try to be cheerful, but writing my feelings was the thing that i built this profile for, so i'm gonna do that. Today was a good day, i did my daily little tasks (except for one), i saw my girlfriend, we had cute moments, i cooked for her, i came back home, i saw that the projects i'm currently leading are doing well and now it's 2 a.m and i've been thinking non-stop.
A little bit of context about myself, i tried to take my own life twice a few years ago (maybe i will talk about it someday, but the point of this profile is to be positive!!!) , luckily and with a lot of therapy i could get better (kind of), now i'm feeling much better but i never managed to surpass my anxiety and live with it, now that i'm one year away from being an actual engineer i can't stop thinking about how absolutely horrified i am about the future, let me explain.
I did two internships so far (didn't get paid), i applied for a good company and actually got selected (but i had to refuse the offer because of college and it's one of the things that haunt me the most) and overall i'm doing fine on academics... But i can't stop feeling like this carreer is useless, that i won't find a decent job in the future, that i'm not gonna be able to escape from this city (which i hate with all my being) and actually build the life that i want.
I don't really have big dreams, i want a cute tiny house, i want a garden i can take care of, a cat, and my girlfriend, i don't really want anything else. And yet i feel like those dreams are so far away.. I don't really feel like i'm learning anything useful, i don't even know if i'm gonna be able to get a job (even as an engineer) and my country seems to be going from bad to worse, so escaping looks like the only real option (i hate latam)
Sorry for the vent, i think it made me feel a little better. If you are struggling, maybe we can talk and maybe find some peace for those anxious words that surround us, have a good day.
Anxious words are all around (vent post)
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CasperPrime
I understand how you feel. I'm doing fine academically, all A's and B's, but I've done so little research and whatnot into college or what I want to do with my life afterwards that I feel like it's too late to actually set my life up and that I'm barreling towards a dark, metaphorical void at mach 10. Basically feels like I'm just waiting for this period of my life to be over and probably my entire life to be over at that point.
I don't have many big dreams myself either. I'd like to either be a writer or some kind of physicist, but writing can't really be a full career and I'd have to not be too late to get a plan for a physics degree, which it feels like I am. Ideally I like my life with a girlfriend while I do one of the aforementioned career choices and we live out our days happily. Maybe we have a fat cat too or something.
I dunno, I feel like I'll never do anything in this world except for something bad/evil, so it's really hard to keep going every day. But I understand what you mean, and I hope you're doing alright, all things considered.
I think we will be fine, life on college is weird, most of the time your degree doesn't take a lot of time so you end up feeling like you waste most of it, but somehow i think we'll be fine or at least i want to think that.
It doesn't get better, it just changes, so life when you start growing up doesn't either get 'better' or 'worse' it just changes, and adapting to those changes is hard.
Hope you are doing fine ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊
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