the slog of the marvel cinematic universe

context 4 this: the other night i stayed up til like. 2 am being angry about the mcu. because jesus h fucking christ on a bicycle i hate the mcu. anyways i wrote out a whole rant that im lowkey p happy with as a piece of writing. as may be obvious- this post will contain criticism of the mcu. if that's smth you don't want to read, don't read it lol

the mcus greatest crime is as follows: you can watch a marvel movie. you can spend three, four, five, however many hours of your time with  this movie and these characters and these plot points and jokes and relationships- hours of your actual life. of your time. and then you can come out of that movie theatre. and never think about it again. go home without the themes still rattling around in your head. go and not even need to notify the groupchat aside from perhaps “i just saw new avengers: sigma session. it was okay” and it doesn’t sit in your chest like a movie should. it doesn’t take up a place in your heart always meant for it. you can’t say “god, this movie was so FUCKING bad. it sucked. its effects were so charmingly terrible. the plot was terrible, and yet i laughed at every failed joke” 

no- no, the mcu is the taylor swift, the harry styles of cinema. you sit there, spoonfed slop like a particularly pampered piglet all while the greedy executives laugh at you from their ivory towers. “oh, you liked that? you watched it in theatres? let’s give you 20 more, all in the span of a year. our workers? don’t worry. we let them piss on company time. we pay them what we think they’re worth. who cares about hiring a costume designer if the cgi animators don’t have a union we need to pay.”

and people still fucking fall for it so the pockets get lined, and tiktok alights with takes as to why hotwhiteboy mcgee two is truly the greatest cinematic masterpiece since avengers skibidi slicers. 

you can’t even hate watch it, man.