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i forgot i had this account + life update for the 3 people who care

i haven't been here on forever and ever since then i lost 2 more of my friends bc one of them was a neo-nazi who not only wanted me to be friends with a piece of shit who ruined my life, but also leaked my status to her and her boyfriend, and they both made fun of me and she said that i didn't have a life... and the other friend i lost is a weirdo who likes 13 year old girls.

it sucks because i really loved and appreciated the second guy, in a platonic way, of course.

i really looked forward to being lifelong friends with him and showing him my favorite games but he turned out to never have changed from his past ways and just ran away once he got called out again. and threatened suicide on his way out.

if you two see this, i want to send a message to you both before i forget about this site again because there is NOTHING TO DO HERE!!!

A: i'm sorry i blocked you out of nowhere, i'm sorry i didn't provide an explanation, i wanted to cut you off quietly so it wouldn't be like february. but other than that, you don't get how much it hurt me for you to leak my vent to someone who despises me and insulted me for ages. and the fact that you never acknowledged this or admitted to this just hurts. you should've at least told me that you were going to do it, doing it behind my back hurts even more. i hate you. you broke my trust in the worst way possible and i hate you for it. i hope we never meet again. i don't care if you send this to him anymore, i just want you to know that you really hurt me, and no amount of apologizing or anything would be able to make up for that.

ps. i didn't get this information through gossip, her boyfriend sent me a full screenshot of what you sent while he was mocking me through text, and i was able to tell because i know what you had me saved as at the time.

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S: i got tired of giving you more chances. you do this shit everytime, someone calls you out on something you did, say "woe is me everyone hates me" then threaten suicide. all you had to do was listen to us when we told you that your relationship with a 13 year old girl was wrong. being 18 one day was never the main problem, it was the age gap itself and how wrong it is for two minors to have that kind of relationship. stop running, stop deleting your accounts when you're in hot water, start listening, start trusting us, start learning, start actually changing. if we ever meet again, i'm gonna need 8+ months of proof to actually believe that you have changed. and even so, only half-heartedly because i'm tired of your bullshit. you broke my trust and many other people's by doing this, you never actually changed. i hope you are not dating her now, wherever you are. if you are, consider your chance of getting your old friends back over. this really shows what you think your priorities are.

ps. i'm only not saying "i hope we never meet again" because i still have the slightest twinge of hope left for you. please, get better. be better. learn what's morally right and wrong. then maybe we'd be able to be friends again. i miss the star i used to know, the one that played games with me, that comforted me at my lowest, that i thought was the kindest person i had ever met after "growing" from all the mistakes and bad things he had done. but now i know that was just a front.

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i'm basically all alone now. i'm in a new school and due to my major trust issues i got as a gift from all my experiences, it's hard to connect with anyone here or even want to be friends with anyone here. i only have 2 people left to meet up with in person, but i've made some decent online friends, and they helped me stay sane during this. if they weren't here, i'd probably be like adachi saying things like "bonds are stupid" and isolating myself from everyone. oh yeah, and persona was also a major part in keeping me sane. adachi obsession aside, persona 4 golden gave me hope that not all hope for making friends is lost, that isolating yourself is giving up on the world and that you'll end up not being able to live in it since we humans depend on bonds. despite being burned over and over and over and over and over again, i know that i have to patch myself up and keep walking. what matters is that i keep going, keep getting up. otherwise, i'll destroy myself. and i want to keep living to show everyone that i am capable of doing so. i want to become someone i can be proud of, and making a promise to myself to never give up is the start of that.


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