⋆˚✿˖° 𐙚 ₊ ⊹ ♡ sep 28 2024⋆˚✿˖° 𐙚 ₊ ⊹ ♡

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I can't sleep, it's my fault. I took a lot of amphetamines and I haven't eaten in a few days, idk what im doing with my life anymore.

im literally just spectating my own life falling out of my hands, and instead of savoring it, im spreading my fingers and letting it go faster.

update its 10:53 now and I still haven't slept. trying to clean my room and stuff. I wanna go to the store and steal some wine but I really need to stop drinking so much before it gets too much out of hand (its already kinda out of hand) but yeah ill update y'all again but im soooo out of my mind rnn like not in a great way I just feel sooooo weridddddd maybe I should take more pills? maybe it will make me feel like I did when I first took it, but we all know that never really happens.

just hitting empty carts. I think on Monday im going to start a sobriety week, except for my vape, i'm not a masochist. my parents caught me in a lie yesterday about doing chores so I feel sooo bad also I took a shower and all my cuts reopened and it was soooo pretty seeing the blood flow and stir with the water.

I gotta spend more time with my parents.

I gotta clean my room.

I gotta change all my behaviors.

honest work is never easy, and i'm not a very hard worker. I broke more glass today, so sad I can never get a good shard to cut with, it's like god doesn't want me to. and I do love him for that and I love him for staying with me during this time of sin. 

I feel like im in a simulation, someone on tv was drinking the same exact brand and flavor of shake I was drinking and I so happened to click on that video??? and not only that but one time I went to take a sip and so did the guy on tv at the same time and I was soooo scared. why is the tv copying me? or am I copying it? I think i'm just freaking out idk. this wouldn't be the first time I got drug induced psychosis but at least im catching it wayyyy early (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

this is how my morning is going I will update y'all laterz

anyways,

-Jenny 𓆩♡𓆪

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