The bad of nostalgia & the ugly of looking too forward

It is 1:38pm eastern standard time on November 20th, 2021. 

My brain does this thing sometimes where I will wake up and feel like a little girl either waking up at 9 years old or when I was 18/19 in California alone. 

Without providing context finishing my last sentence with “alone” makes it sound a bit somber and grim but I actually mean it in a spacey, slightly positive way.... 

When does your nostalgia trip end....lol. The bad of nostalgia. Rock band came out I got the entire set of drums, guitar, mic. I had no siblings I just did it all, all the time, and really loved that game. Tony hawk ride, skate... 

like I wake up in this state of feeling like a little girl and despite feeling so depressed, when I wake up feeling like this tiny nostalgia almost makes “time” stop and I feel good. The air seems fresh in my room and there’s just enough light coming into it... my cat(s) are silent; laying with me, there’s not a single sound but air running................ like

MustI note that I am being very serious n don’t mean to write stuff that sounds weird or pathetic to some ha.. why should I care? This is how I feel x

There’s so much more to elaborate on but I’d go on and on and-

I watched Brittany Murphy’s HBO documentary this morning and it did make me cry! I remember when she died bc my mom really loved her... 

When I talk about being ethereal.... it can show itself in many different yet similar forms of authenticity and purity. Brittany Murphy was ethereal! What a light. Sweet girl. 

Aaliyah was a light too. Ethereal! 

Rest In Peace/power /love/ and light to both of them