Recent changes in life

I've started taking this whole studying thing seriously, I want my mother to be proud of me and finally get away from my past mistakes, right now I'm 21 and recently one day I woke up feeling like a loser, a human scumbag that leeches off people around him. I started crying my  guts out, my mother stormed in (she is a single mother, my father died 7 years ago) and asked me what was wrong, with my heart where my mouth is I asked her what no mother should ever hear from a son.

"Would you be better if I wasn't here?"

Due to my "depressive" demeanor through highschool she thought I was going back into that black hole I was in. She just started crying too, holding me in the warmest hug I've received from her in a long time, we stood in my room crying without saying a word for a couple of minutes.

After drying the tears from our faces she looked at my eyes and told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her, that yeah, I'm a lazy boy but that I'm her son and that no matter what happens she won't stop trying, because after all, she loves me. We went to the kitchen and spoke for a bit, deep down I admire my mother for never surrendering against adversity, providing me with everything I needed even if it meant she couldn't indulge in anything. That's why I've decided to live with my head up and focused in one goal, become a better man for my future.

Physical department

When it comes to my physical apereance I'm feeling better, like, I actually see some good features in myself, I hope I get the motivation  I neeed to finally stick with the gym and MAYBE finally fix my mental too (I really feel like a hopeless prey when around women), I think these thoughts come form the bullying I received on primary school for being a fat kid (I'm still a fat one, but I went from 150Kg to 128Kg ish, sitting at 117Kg for a while before coming back to 125Kg where I'm now :D).

I've learned how to take care of my beard, making it look thought out and not like a ball of messy/greasy hair, I've learned how to take better care of my hygene and how to manage what I eat.

The reason of why I've decided to get my weight down is because, when I form a family (hopefully) I want to be able to run along my kids, climb on trees and be a goofball with them. Nothing would make me happier than to see my daughter/son laughing while I run behind them.

My knees and my back hurt, posture wise I'm not the follow all regulations guy but I think it has more to do with my weight, I feel it more as years pass and I want to maybe be able to move when I'm 50 :"D.

Finishing thoughts

I'm enough, I will not perish against my greatest enemy and I will not be humbled by its deceiving schemes. I will be the sole conqueror of me, myself and I.