The past year for me; Why haven't I been gaming??

I don't really feel like making anything super smart sounding or anything, so this will be poorly written and all over the place. I don't ahve a specific idea for this, just wanted to make an update for the few people who may care.

I have not been feeling like myself lately. I believe it's just an effect of like. everything about this stage of life. Being nearly 18, my senior year at hs stressing me out, college looming in the back of my mind, and going through a very complicated breakup. Like. lots going on. The disabilities dont make it any easier to deal with, as much as I dont like bringing them up all the time whenever I have a problem in my life. I hate to do it because it almost feels like an excuse/cheat answer for why I'm struggling, but it's just a fact that my autism and adhd affect almsot everything I think, say, and do, so I guess I have to mention it whenever im not doing well. It's usually never the cause of my distress, but it certainly doesn't help things.

All of that isn't to say I'm suffering, not at all!! I've been doing great lately. I got a paid internship at a local business doing IT and other sorts of work, so that's been lots of fun! I've been enjoying my lax schedule this year (except online college algebra....fuck canvas breh) butlike I really have been doing well. I don't think I'm depressed or that anything is wrong with me.

I think the biggest problem with my current situation is that I just don't feel like doing anything anymore. All the stuff that I defined myself by, I've had no motivation to do. I do still draw and play games and stuff, just not as much as I used to, and not with the same drive I used to have. At the beginning of the school year I was completely unable to draw anyhting and had to bring a book with me so I wouldn't die of boredom. THATS SO WEIRD!!! NOT NORMAL for ME!! Idk whats up!! I can guess, but I can't put my finger on a sole cause! It is so strange!

I do think that I'll be alright either way, tho. I'm not like. Miserable all day forever. It's more of an on-and-off thing, I still get those bouts of passion and enjoyment and true happiness, more often than I can even count, so I promise I'm doing alright, just not the same as I was a year ago. That's okay, though!

Sometimes my optimism frustrates me because I turn literally anything into a good thing even when I really don't feel like it is, but I think that's nice. I may not be pursuing my passions and goals like I used to, and I may not feel motivated to do so like I used to, but I'm entering a new stage in life and I'm finding out what brings me that joy now, and that's awesome. I'm not upset about any of this, I'm really not! I'm learning to embrace change and seek out changes in my rigid routines and just knowing that things will end up well in the end makes me feel a whole lot better, even when things feel rough. I hope anyone else reading this that's in a similar situation can try to find the good in things, too. If not, then just know you're not alone. I'll get through my growing library of games and maybe I'll edit this page and my neocities again soon, dunno when tho... Wat I know is that things r changing and that it will be ok. So that's good.

I'm chilling out and watching videos rightnow and i smell dinner and im happy so tahts wat matters most i think. Focusing on the present and wat immediately matters to me brings me a lot of joy...perhaps yiu should do this also... lalala... and get offf social media i think it seriously drains me so badly...

I wish u all the best... I will Not be giving up on this site or any of the fun gaming things I want to do... I will continue cataloguing my collection and talking about games and pursuing game design for Evaarrr... i promise u that! I think updating this site regularly again should put that spark back into me. I'll just have to see!!!!!!

thank u so much if u saw this, it's incredible to think that some people may still be peeking at my profile even after I've hardly been active in months. I'm happy to know that people care about what I do and what I say. I hope to talk more about some more awesome thangs soooon....llalalaaa!