"Why did the Taurus bring a ladder to the bar?"

"Because they heard the drinks were on the house, but they wanted to make sure it was *comfortable* up there!""An Aries, a Virgo, and a Libra walk into a bar. The Aries orders first, of course, and says, 'I’ll take a shot of the strongest thing you've got! Let’s get this party started!' The Virgo looks at the bartender and says, 'I’ll have a glass of water with a slice of lemon, but please make sure the lemon is exactly one-third of an inch thick.' Finally, the Libra turns to the bartender, pauses for a moment, and says, 'I can’t decide... what do you think I should have?' 

The bartender looks at them all and says, 'You know, Mercury’s in retrograde, so maybe you should just take the day off!'"