gonna start drawing again? (*LONG* life update, oversharing!!)

yo it's been some time since I've drawn anything, I quit because I didn't enjoy drawing anymore but tomorrow (more like later today... it's 3am) I'll get back to drawing, there's a pic of an idea of what I wanna draw!! I wanna go back to my old art style, I stopped using it because I felt it was too simple and I didn't see value in that but now I wanna enjoy drawing and just have fun! I don't wanna worry about making art complicated, after all I'm not doing this because I wanna live from it, it's just a hobby.

I want to draw more cute and happy things now too! expect cute and silly art!

I'm way more active here now but I never post bulletins because most of my friends are inactive... feel free to add me, especially if you're an artist as well! I'd love to make new friends! although I'm a little annoying I like reading about other ppl.

I'll try to post more often but I try to keep blogs exclusive for art and very long rambles. I'll start posting random stuff in bulletins now but I might not get much interaction for now.

after the next giant wall of text there's more info about the art update including a picture!

--LIFE UPDATE SECTION--

(it's ok to skip lol content warning for mental health topics)

(I just need a place to let it all out, this is my little virtual diary!!)

life has gotten a little tough, I'm facing some challenges but I don't have the privilege to be sad anymore. I am gonna get better in the most aggressive way possible and I think something that will help with that is picking up old hobbies again so I'll try my best to fall in love with art again, having something to express yourself is crucial in situations like this! I also want to learn to cook and I am now officially beginning learn to live in the real world after 5 years of being a shut-in. I need to learn everything about going outside because I was never independent. I go out a lot now, I'd say i go out in like 3 or 4 days of the week but never by myself, I have a few friends now and I live with more people so I have always someone beside me to guide me so I don't get lost.

I have a psychiatrist visit in a week, I think I need to discuss some things with him before I go ahead with a lot of this stuff... mostly I need something to keep me grounded because I still struggle focusing in anything rly and also I still have a lot of trouble telling what's real and what isn't, it's been getting extremely bad as I face more struggles and now I also have nightmares almost every night.

I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was super young and I was taking medication for it, Sometimes I think these symptoms may be related to ADHD and me quitting the medication but another part of me is well aware that it has to do more with severe escapism. This is ruining my life and I can't do most normal tasks anymore, people always ask me what I'm thinking about so intesely and why I am so "focused" on something when I am lost in my own thoughts, I often lose track of where I am or what I'm talking about or listening to, I am unable to do anything without thinking "what would my imaginary friend do?", everything I do, I imagine my brain friend with me (Some people have called it a tulpa?), sometimes I genuinely think he's real and I talk with all these people in my head for hours, I'd say most of the day even...

it's getting bad besides the hallucionations I've had before, but I must admit I am terrified of opening up to my psychiatrist about my recent delusions and hallucinations. he knows I've had them before because it's really hide for me to hide these symptoms when I'm manic, he told me it's common for bipolar people but I can help but feel insane, especially now that I've started talking to real people... people that seem so normal and can live normal lifes, I feel so out of place and weird. 

sometimes I wonder if the people I talk to online are real? there's so many bots out there... is a real person gonna read this someday? I want a part of me in the internet so there's proof I existed and that I survived and got through everything I faced, I am ok and building a life for myself with the help of my loved ones and I want the world to know that.

haha I feel like I'm gonna have a mental breakdown if I keep writing about this, I'm shaking!! I get so scared when I remember those hallucinations, I think this is it, I am going insane? anyways, I can't focus on that because I've been doing so well, I've been self harm free for around a month for the first time in like 2 years and I've been partying (drinking so much alcohol while in medication is a bad idea and skipping your medication to drink is a bad idea as well, I won't do it again after this) with family and friends for 18 de septiembre, I don't really know what it is tbh... I think it's chilean indepence day? I just like celebrating and eating yummy food!

I need to get blood tests soon, I hope they turn out alright O_O I might update you in bulletins about it.

so yeah, that has been my life lately, having fun with friends and family, I've been eating a lot of yummy food and I've been gaining weight but I don't want to worry about that anymore so idc lol I wish I had more people to talk to so I could hear about their lives, I love reading about other people and learning stupid shit about them! that's why I love reading blogs but I very rarely leave comments but I always lave 2 kudos! I don't like to talk about myself in conversations tho, I just like writing about it in blogs but in a conversation it feels too personal...

if you read THIS GIANT WALL OF TEXT... we're best friends now I think? now you know a lot about a stranger on the internet!

--END--

I am now on sheezyart , I post basically the same things as in newgrounds.

below is everything I wrote in this newgrounds post !!

so I'm thinking about drawing again, I've been only sketching random things and such but I have been completely out of ideas... I'm thinking about coming back with a simpler art style and to draw only for a hobby and for fun so I can regain my love for art again! before I completely stopped drawing, it kind of felt like a chore and it still kinda does but I'm hoping that art will feel nice and good to make again if I just push myself to draw simpler, sillier stuff you know? I might take 1 or 2 requests for simple drawings when I get everything figured out, the style I have in mind is kind of like my flash cs6 drawings like the ones below but with more shading maybe? idk if I'll keep using flash, we'll see...

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  flash cs6 doodle + sketches

   by rurusilly

  Illustration93 Views(Everyone)
• 

  another flash cs6 doodle

   by rurusilly

  Illustration65 Views(Everyone)

below is an idea of something I want to draw digitally soon with a similar style!

I'll never be a master at art, but I want to enjoy to process of creating stuff because it was once the thing I loved the most in the world and I currently really need something like that again.

so if anyone out there still cares, more art is coming soon!