woof woof

it's like I'm a pet, I swear I acted like a dog craving attention, and looking back at it I don't think much has changed. I still crave attention and I always act differently when I get said attention, I can't exactly pinpoint what part of my personality changes when I get that little bit of praise but my heart always feels heavy and I start to act without thinking but I don't mean I do anything gross or weird or any of that sort jesus no, I just mean I start to act really fast, really hastily, impulsively. whenever I get noticed it's like my tail wags and I get attached so, so easily. This is a huge mess, I don't know how to talk about it either but I can't afford to act like this ever again so I have to control myself which is kind of weird to say/write but it is true n I can't lie to myself or convince myself what I'm doing is perfectly normal, or maybe it is! I don't know, I never know it just feels so wrong, to be wrapped around someone's finger just for praise and validation, I'm not appreciated or liked, I'm just easy to manipulate and take advantage of