venting crush talk

i have such a bad crush rn. i barely met you i mean cmon why do i feel like this? is it because we share so many interests? or do i not have a crush.... im pretty sure it is one, but what if its my bpd acting up and being hyper possessive and hyper s*xual? god i just cant take it. your eyes are so pretty, your smile is so cute. im starting to blush thinking of you and i imagine us cuddling together. god its so bad im getting (not intrusive but idk the word that matches) intrusive thoughts of us "together". aaaa why do i feel like this. can you tell? does it make you uncomfortable? im sorry if it does. its so random i dont know what to do. what about my bf? how will i tell him? will i ever tell either of you? i cant stop the jitters in my hands and warmth in my face when you text me. i cant stop the butterflies flying throughout my entire system. i just dont know what to do. is it normal to wish we were kissing? to wish i could slide my hands up your shirt onto your soft warm body? is it normal to wish to see you. to see more. am i normal? am i ok? will i be ok? do you even know this? would you ever feel the same? and would my bf be fine with it? his jokes seem to allude to it but we've been arguing? would it be different because you arent a cis man? i think he worries about being replaced as "the man" (aka the cis man 🙄) in the relationship. i just feel so jittery and crazy i just AAAAAAAAAAAAA. I HOPE YOU NEVER FIND THIS :( actually i kinda hope you do im just so AAAA I I DONT KNOW I JUST AAJBEOWBDOWBSODBJWNSODBWOWBDOWBSORBMWOEBE HELP ME PLEASE


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Ryan!

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ITS BETTER NOW!


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Ryan!

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NOOO ITS HORRENDOUSLY WORSE NOW. why does my bf have to be like this. i donnt want to lose him but i just ii juustr aaaaa i really am so conflicted over you why cant things be perfect. you make things so hard :(( i jsust whyy i cant i cant even cry because half of my heart is still flickering moth wings through my bloodstream and toward you out of my fingers through my texts i just i just dont know i dont know why cant things be easy why cant i love you both


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immsosorry i love you:(

by Ryan!; ; Report