I hate him. (TW)

Sorrgy guys I'm gonna vent a bit here about what's been happening bc I've just been going through a lot, DW tho!! I'm getting better!! I got a therapist and I'm getting the help I needed :]

I tried so hard to make him happy, he didn't even have to ask for it because that's what friends do. Everyday when he would trauma dump to me I would comfort him and help him, always tell him I loved him, make things for him and always included him, always talked good about him, I really did want to help him. I loved him so much I really did, I even had to hide who I was for him, I had to change myself for him to love me. I did all this just for a "I just realized you completely manipulated me" and then just leave me, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA LEAVE ME IF I TOLD YOU I WAS DOING SH LIKE WHAT THE FUCK LUCAS??? ALL I WANTED WAS SOME LITTLE SORT OF COMFORT BUT I ENDED UP MAKING A ARGUMENT AND YOU LEFT ME WHAT DID I EVEN DO HOW DID I MESS UP??? Like this was one of the first times I actually opened up fully to you and you just yelled at me dude what the fuck. And when I said "I don't think we should be friends anymore if we keep arguing like this" Because I thought if we stopped being friends he would get better but you know what he said? He said "WELL ILL JUST GET BACK TO MY ADDICTIONS THEN" like what the fuck?? And if I ever opened up to him he would say "Well us men go through more than women and since you weren't born a guy and your a girl you don't understand" Like first of all I've been telling you I'm here to comfort you and second of all why are you rubbing in my face that I wasn't born a guy like it's not my fault dude :/ And the "Your a girl" part like dude I'm a guy, I've always felt like one I am one. Then you just gotta spread shit about me to my school wow I can't wait for when the rumors start to get around right Lucas don't you love when that happens? My suicide thoughts got worse too, Instead of one suicide thought a day it went to about 5 a day. Anyway that's pretty much what happened and I'm just rlly drained, everyday doesn't feel slow it just feels the same now. So guys, don't trust people who look like the "do the roar" kid from shrek lmao😭😭🙏